Friday morning meditation

C and I drove into work this morning, and we got to talking as usual. We meandered through our usual range of issues: conflicts between friends, goals for the warband, helping out newbies. We’re in agreement that having projects to work on and new people to train makes our group better focused on positive things. I brought up some of the issues I’ve had with this area, especially in the SCA. My difficulties have come from some interesting situations that I’ve never dealt with or noticed before. Granted, this is the first kingdom I’ve ever been single in for any length of time. So I’m not surprised that I get the “oh, she’s pretty, therefore she must be a snob, bitch, etc.” And I simply can't believe the crap that happens in belly dancing around here. No wonder I'm going back to home haflas! So I don’t feel quite like I’m home here. I have some very cherished and good friends, and I’m very glad I moved here. SoCal has taught me a lot of good things. But it’s still not home.

There’s a line in one of Neil Peart’s books about finding a place that just feels like home. You know it when you find it. Well, I haven’t found it yet. I feel at home when I’m sewing or working my magic with my people at work to get things running smoothly. I feel at home when I’m on the line with the guys at the start of a battle when we’re all sparky. But these are fleeting, and I have yet to find that spot or situation that gives me that comforting homey feeling just being in it. I’ve never found or built a home. Mel is laughing at me right now and muttering “gypsy girl” under her breath at me. And she’s right. I’m big on going out and finding what I want or need. And I’m not afraid to pick up and move to do it! But my feet are rooted to the spot for the moment. I have no choice but to stick things for another year, despite my disappointment in some aspects of the area. So I’ll have to deal with not going with my normal pack up and leave when you can’t fix things solution. Learn some patience and stick out the last of my school.

And maybe that’s the thing I have to learn. Sometimes you just have to stick it out. Take it head on, despite the fact that things look pretty impossible. I’ve got a lot of good things I can work on here instead of focusing on the things I’m not happy with. *sigh* As for what I’m looking for, well, I’ll know it and him when I see him. :-)