So, now I'm in Vegas for my birthday weekend. Life is fabulous!
Wildfires: Still no one dreadfully harmed, other than a lot of folks reeling from the crappy air quality. And I even heard that Potrero park seems to have survived somehow, despite a lot of the homes around it going up. I swear that park has its own force field...
Internship: Going well, despite two weeks of illness followed by a week of office-wide mourning for our lost attorney, followed by this week of constant stress for me keeping track of my peeps in SD not on fire. Let's hope they still love me on Monday.
Birthday: Rocked, despite a rather calm celebration. No overwhelming need to make an ass out of myself through alcohol this year. I'll save that for graduation :-) Or not. But I can't think of a batter way to celebrate than in my honey's arms, after a buffet dinner and harrassing Southwest into getting me here 3 hours earlier than expected. And a lovely beer in the airport bar discussing real estate with the other airport barflies. Bliss! Happy 34 to me!
Bar exam: I haven't even started studying for it and I think it sucks. I hates it, Mr. Frodo, I hates it! That being said, I'm picking my terrain carefully to assault this monster. I have officially decided to ruin my summer by taking the July Bar instead. But at least I get to enjoy Black Thursday (aka. Valentine's Day) without the insanity of a looming Bar this year. And go to Estrella. And maybe fight, but we'll see. And I'll make time for M's wedding. All will be well...
State of mind: Damn, the healing from exhaustion goes on and on. I can't work out for more than 45 minutes without my immune system losing out to a virus. Hence the 2 weeks of being sick earlier this month. And given the opportunity, I could sleep at any point in the day for 2-4 hours unless I've had coffee. Wow. Yeah, I don't recommend anyone going through that much social, school, and employment stress all in 2 constant years if you can possibly avoid it. I'll be over here taking supplements, sleeping regularly, and trying to get workouts back up to a reasonable level and number of days per week again.
Creative: Cranked out Roman tunics this week, thanks to eBay. Have Jedi robes and a pile of SCA sewing on deck. 3 more inkle projects on tap, and one with a diamond pick up pattern that finally makes sense to me. We'll see if it sucks :-)
Go be kind to yourself and others.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
Trim!
Here's the latest batch of trim sent of to largesse land.
Mostly cotton, some with handspun wool and linen (the yellow one).
The brown and blue and white matching ones are wool and cotton.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
When Angels Fall...
I've moved over here for a while. MySpace is for fun, and I'm pulling out the fire hose of deep thought. Brace yourselves..
I've watched the angels falling for a few weeks now. Good folks being laid low by life and seeing their proverbial wings ripped off. Bit graphic, but you get the meaning, right? And I am one of those people who believes "why do surgury when a chainsaw will reduce follow up visits", right?
I'm meandering, let me get to the point. I love these people. Some a little, some a lot. And I'd like to welcome them to my fold - I put up a net for you plummeting angel types. Hopefully I'll catch some of you. And I'm here to tell you it's ok not to be perfect and nice and kind all the time. In fact, it's impossible. We're not built that way, and the challenge is to find ways to be dignified about the painful and rude things that are part of who we are. Pain is just the reminder that you're not just letting things be what they are.
I watched my entire office's heart break yesterday for a man who was a dilligent paladin for poor clients in my office. His spirit just up and left a few weeks ago, leaving a pile of devastated people wondering why. My world view thinks he was offered a bigger spiritual role and took the gamble to move on. But it doesn't lessen the hurt that I'm watching everyone around me pour out. And his father's pain, oy! My boss said she was a terrible boss to him yesterday, and it's the furthest thing from reality I've ever seen a grieving person say. But to see the rest of the stable of paladins just break down and weep has made this a difficult week. Even his adverasries wept for the loss of him. My inner calm bucket is empty and dry - I'll need to take care of that. But there's anger and hurt and pain all around me - none of it is anything other than appropriate. There's nothing bad about feeling the way we all do. But everyone is questioning themselves and how they feel. And I've been walkng around telling people to be kind to themselves, take it easy, take the time to feel what you're feeling and accept it for what it is. And then I get socked in the gut with everyone else and have to take my own advice. Goodbye Jesus - I'll see you with your new set of wings and a honking big sword in my time. May you continue to be the champion you were in life.
I've watched my roomies struggle with love and communication and pain caused from not connecting on either level. Luckily they got there, but it took time and patience. There is nothing wrong with wanting your champion to be your champion and publicly acknowledge it. Nothing at all. Having the strength to stand up and ask for it is, to me, simply part of your self respect needs. It's scary to risk feeling rejected if you don't get it. Especially when I know you both care so much for each other. And I'm very very happy for both of you for weathering this. It was a wonderful bit of courage.
Oh baby. I've been there.
I've been in the land of "Dear God am I doing the right thing?" If I am, why does it hurt so much? Am I a bad person for doing this? And at the time, I feel that I was a bad person, but not for the reasons I thought at the time. I was so disappointed in myself and my failures that I was seriously considering checking out. Luckily, I had someone very sweet in my life who dragged my ass to get some help. And I needed it. Not everyone does. (thank you Michael, you saved my ass. I can't thank you enough or apologize for the hurt I caused. But I can say that I'm very happy to see you happy with a wonderful, talented woman. Best wishes.)
But when you build rigid and stiff like I did, any earthquake that comes along will rock you. Kindness, patience, forgiveness are the things that make life less rigid and brittle. I had to learn about these things intimately and learn how to put them to use. Especially giving myself the room to use them on me. I'm still learning how to be kind to myself, not let the small things get me, and treat others more gently than I even do for myself.
And fighting. Battle has been my biggest learning arena lately. Learning how to do battle with grace, strength and kindness has been the biggest challenge. I joined the Orkneys to learn about brotherhood, brutality, and ferocity. I went to law school to learn grace and skill in strategy, and to fight for and earn the respect I crave in my professional life. I moved to new places to teach myself how to accept change and people in general. I've learned so very much, and yet I still feel like a novice.
So while I'm overwhelmed at the moment, and feeling less than effective, I now have a toolkit to cope. So tonight, after I pay off my sparkly bit to assuage my inner girl, I'm sitting myself down with purpose. I'm laying my soul out to dry from the tears and to fix this week's pains. Giving over the sorrow and loss to the world, and just accepting where I'm at.
And just so you know where I'm at, I'm right next to you. I can see your opponent on the line of life. I can tell you're bracing yourself and gripping your weapons a bit tighter, as you see that really big opponent line up across from you. I watch your back, and I know you're trying to watch mine as well. We've been blocking blows for each other as we can, parrying, and throwing shots when it helps. I'm here, I believe in your ability to beat this one. And my spear will be right there for whatever help I can do with it. Just accept it, dammit. :-)
And your wings do grow back. I promise.
I've watched the angels falling for a few weeks now. Good folks being laid low by life and seeing their proverbial wings ripped off. Bit graphic, but you get the meaning, right? And I am one of those people who believes "why do surgury when a chainsaw will reduce follow up visits", right?
I'm meandering, let me get to the point. I love these people. Some a little, some a lot. And I'd like to welcome them to my fold - I put up a net for you plummeting angel types. Hopefully I'll catch some of you. And I'm here to tell you it's ok not to be perfect and nice and kind all the time. In fact, it's impossible. We're not built that way, and the challenge is to find ways to be dignified about the painful and rude things that are part of who we are. Pain is just the reminder that you're not just letting things be what they are.
I watched my entire office's heart break yesterday for a man who was a dilligent paladin for poor clients in my office. His spirit just up and left a few weeks ago, leaving a pile of devastated people wondering why. My world view thinks he was offered a bigger spiritual role and took the gamble to move on. But it doesn't lessen the hurt that I'm watching everyone around me pour out. And his father's pain, oy! My boss said she was a terrible boss to him yesterday, and it's the furthest thing from reality I've ever seen a grieving person say. But to see the rest of the stable of paladins just break down and weep has made this a difficult week. Even his adverasries wept for the loss of him. My inner calm bucket is empty and dry - I'll need to take care of that. But there's anger and hurt and pain all around me - none of it is anything other than appropriate. There's nothing bad about feeling the way we all do. But everyone is questioning themselves and how they feel. And I've been walkng around telling people to be kind to themselves, take it easy, take the time to feel what you're feeling and accept it for what it is. And then I get socked in the gut with everyone else and have to take my own advice. Goodbye Jesus - I'll see you with your new set of wings and a honking big sword in my time. May you continue to be the champion you were in life.
I've watched my roomies struggle with love and communication and pain caused from not connecting on either level. Luckily they got there, but it took time and patience. There is nothing wrong with wanting your champion to be your champion and publicly acknowledge it. Nothing at all. Having the strength to stand up and ask for it is, to me, simply part of your self respect needs. It's scary to risk feeling rejected if you don't get it. Especially when I know you both care so much for each other. And I'm very very happy for both of you for weathering this. It was a wonderful bit of courage.
Oh baby. I've been there.
I've been in the land of "Dear God am I doing the right thing?" If I am, why does it hurt so much? Am I a bad person for doing this? And at the time, I feel that I was a bad person, but not for the reasons I thought at the time. I was so disappointed in myself and my failures that I was seriously considering checking out. Luckily, I had someone very sweet in my life who dragged my ass to get some help. And I needed it. Not everyone does. (thank you Michael, you saved my ass. I can't thank you enough or apologize for the hurt I caused. But I can say that I'm very happy to see you happy with a wonderful, talented woman. Best wishes.)
But when you build rigid and stiff like I did, any earthquake that comes along will rock you. Kindness, patience, forgiveness are the things that make life less rigid and brittle. I had to learn about these things intimately and learn how to put them to use. Especially giving myself the room to use them on me. I'm still learning how to be kind to myself, not let the small things get me, and treat others more gently than I even do for myself.
And fighting. Battle has been my biggest learning arena lately. Learning how to do battle with grace, strength and kindness has been the biggest challenge. I joined the Orkneys to learn about brotherhood, brutality, and ferocity. I went to law school to learn grace and skill in strategy, and to fight for and earn the respect I crave in my professional life. I moved to new places to teach myself how to accept change and people in general. I've learned so very much, and yet I still feel like a novice.
So while I'm overwhelmed at the moment, and feeling less than effective, I now have a toolkit to cope. So tonight, after I pay off my sparkly bit to assuage my inner girl, I'm sitting myself down with purpose. I'm laying my soul out to dry from the tears and to fix this week's pains. Giving over the sorrow and loss to the world, and just accepting where I'm at.
And just so you know where I'm at, I'm right next to you. I can see your opponent on the line of life. I can tell you're bracing yourself and gripping your weapons a bit tighter, as you see that really big opponent line up across from you. I watch your back, and I know you're trying to watch mine as well. We've been blocking blows for each other as we can, parrying, and throwing shots when it helps. I'm here, I believe in your ability to beat this one. And my spear will be right there for whatever help I can do with it. Just accept it, dammit. :-)
And your wings do grow back. I promise.
Your own worst enemy....
http://attack-laurel.livejournal.com/45410.html
I adore this woman, and I dont' know her. But she writes terribly well, and nails the slippery crap right to the wall with an authentic Elizabethan nail. Go read it.
I adore this woman, and I dont' know her. But she writes terribly well, and nails the slippery crap right to the wall with an authentic Elizabethan nail. Go read it.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
And I'm back...
Yes, I know, it's been a while. I had a break in my usual brain dump to exclusively hit MySpace for a bit. I'm better now, branching my thoughts back out to all the participating franchises. If you nderstand what I just typed in that last sentance, let me know. Oy, moving on...
Had a lovely realization last night. I'm well adjusted. Self accepting. Stable and relatively positive to my fellow women. What brought this on? I have a wonderful friend, who has just lost boatloads of weight. She (I'm sure) looks fantastic! And not only am I not the sligthest bit jealous, but I'm really proud of her. Sure, it did remind me that the gym is a good happy place for me, and it did get me going again. But no competition, no stupidity, no usual woman-crap. Not bad eh?
We talked last night as she's in the mall attempting to find what clothing fits her new bod. I can relate, as clothing shopping is not a fun thing to me. Dental work is higher on the fun things list, as I understand the need for good teeth in my genearl happiness plan. So I'm giving her suggestions and realizing that she's truly my size or smaller now, and I'm just happy for her. No anxiety, yay! Go me with the uber supportive and I'm not even lying train of thought :-)
Now, dont' get me wrong, I'd like to tone up and all that usual jazz. But I don't feel like her accomplishment is anything but her accomplishment. I accept that I'm not as small as I'd like to be at the moment, but i'm still damn cute. And I have a hot man telling me so on a regular basis. I have actually dropped a few pounds since I moved up here, but nothing dramatic. I also gained a few. It's a trade off.
But I'm really, truly happy with my body. Only took 33.99 years, eh?
Had a lovely realization last night. I'm well adjusted. Self accepting. Stable and relatively positive to my fellow women. What brought this on? I have a wonderful friend, who has just lost boatloads of weight. She (I'm sure) looks fantastic! And not only am I not the sligthest bit jealous, but I'm really proud of her. Sure, it did remind me that the gym is a good happy place for me, and it did get me going again. But no competition, no stupidity, no usual woman-crap. Not bad eh?
We talked last night as she's in the mall attempting to find what clothing fits her new bod. I can relate, as clothing shopping is not a fun thing to me. Dental work is higher on the fun things list, as I understand the need for good teeth in my genearl happiness plan. So I'm giving her suggestions and realizing that she's truly my size or smaller now, and I'm just happy for her. No anxiety, yay! Go me with the uber supportive and I'm not even lying train of thought :-)
Now, dont' get me wrong, I'd like to tone up and all that usual jazz. But I don't feel like her accomplishment is anything but her accomplishment. I accept that I'm not as small as I'd like to be at the moment, but i'm still damn cute. And I have a hot man telling me so on a regular basis. I have actually dropped a few pounds since I moved up here, but nothing dramatic. I also gained a few. It's a trade off.
But I'm really, truly happy with my body. Only took 33.99 years, eh?
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