1. No real holidays. After the insanity of December, they should let us down easier. New Years is technically part of December, since the part spent in January usually involves peeling your date off the floor, heading home, and recovering from your hangover.
2. Cold and dreary. Sun sets early. Depressing. Next...
3. The craptacular buildup to Valentines Day. They shouldn't be allowed to put that much pink crap in any one place. I think I'll go write a statute about the critical mass of pinkness and the adverse effects on single folk. It should be illegal unless it's a Barbie convention.
4. Anniversary of me asking for a divorce. Yes, I remember it. Yes, it's still a sad thing to consider. No, I don't regret it, but I can honor the good times of the longest relationship of my life.
5. My body's overwhelming desire to hibernate and eat the richest food it can find. Must be a remnant of my Buffalo days. And the usual flu I get every year. It's a relief to crawl into bed every night, even if I lay there cuddled up for hours while sleep eludes me.
6. Rain. I just hate cold rain. And California has a buttload of it. ANd it usually starts in January.
7. Year end everything. Accounting, HR, Taxes, yadda yadda. Why do we cram all of our deadlines into the month of holidays(December) and the month of recovery (January)? It's just a form of masochism. I admire the companies that buck the trend and close their books in June.
But on the Good Things side of it, my Godson was born in January. I think he saved the entire month...
And if nothing else, I can rescue myself with the wonders of the Internet. Here's a posting from another of my favorite blogs with a smackdown of hate between Juliette Lewis and the band Rush, made funnier to my head because I like both combatants and the author despises both. Somewhat...
JL v. Rush
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
It's official - I'm a massive geek...
So, talking to D last night for the few minutes I stopped by and she says, "You need to find a guy outside the SCA and bring him in." Huh... So I got to thinking - How does that work? I work full time and go to school at night, right? Law students are about the worst possible matches for another fellow law student - we're all stressed out, argumentative, and busy as hell. So that's out. What else do I do? Well, I sew. No men there. Practice? Hahahahha - that SCA pond, not so much, eh? Not saying it's not possible, but I've had issues. Do I do anything else where I might meet people? Ok, so I'm going to China, but importing from that far away has issues....
Umm. Yeah. I'm a geek. If I'm not studying, sewing, or working, I'm online chatting with friends or asleep. I occasionally get out to concerts or dinner, and I do travel a decent amount. But for the most part I'm a huge SCA geeeeeeek! What the heck do I have to talk to anyone outside the SCA about? I'm good on current events and legal issues, thanks to all the magazines I read. But anything else? Nope. Not really. And I pretty much have something SCA planned every weekend, even if it's just practice or getting my haircut by an SCA friend, or going to a party hosted by SCA friends...
* Le grande, grosse sigh * I'm in a cult, apparently. And I didn't even notice how badly.. How about I wait until after I'm out of school... Good lord, when did this happen? Oh yeah, all my law school buddies are graduating this year... And T moved up north. And my sister is up north. And my household isn't helping either - they're starting up another D&D game. Just in case I wanted to expand my geekiness yet again..
*headdesk*
Umm. Yeah. I'm a geek. If I'm not studying, sewing, or working, I'm online chatting with friends or asleep. I occasionally get out to concerts or dinner, and I do travel a decent amount. But for the most part I'm a huge SCA geeeeeeek! What the heck do I have to talk to anyone outside the SCA about? I'm good on current events and legal issues, thanks to all the magazines I read. But anything else? Nope. Not really. And I pretty much have something SCA planned every weekend, even if it's just practice or getting my haircut by an SCA friend, or going to a party hosted by SCA friends...
* Le grande, grosse sigh * I'm in a cult, apparently. And I didn't even notice how badly.. How about I wait until after I'm out of school... Good lord, when did this happen? Oh yeah, all my law school buddies are graduating this year... And T moved up north. And my sister is up north. And my household isn't helping either - they're starting up another D&D game. Just in case I wanted to expand my geekiness yet again..
*headdesk*
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
fantastic article on why my law school dollars are silly..
Meet the Clients: Law schools rarely teach students how to be lawyers.
The recent arrest of Anderson Kill & Olick paralegal Brian Valery for practicing law without a license raises a number of questions about how the ersatz Fordham graduate could have gotten away with representing corporate clients in complex litigation--without ever having gone to law school. The more salient question, however, is: Would it have mattered if he had?
Legal education has been taking a beating recently. This month the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching issued a report criticizing the Socratic case method that dominates law-school teaching. According to the report, it does little to prepare lawyers to work with real clients or to resolve morally complex issues. Several months ago Harvard Law School announced a reform of its first-year curriculum to require classes in "problem solving," among other things. There appears to be an emerging consensus that although law schools may teach students how to "think like a lawyer," they don't really teach them how to be a lawyer.
It is hard not to agree. One of the biggest problems with the current state of legal education is its emphasis on books rather than people. By reading about the law rather than engaging in it, students end up with the misperception that lawyers spend most of their time debating the niceties of the Rule Against Perpetuities rather than sorting out the messy, somewhat anarchic version of the truth that judges and courts care about. When they graduate, young lawyers rarely know how to interview clients, advocate for their positions, negotiate a settlement or perform any number of other tasks that lawyers do every day. In short, they are woefully unprepared to be lawyers, despite the outrageous hourly fees charged for their services.
By giving students the false idea that being a lawyer is all about intellectual debate, we also drive the wrong students to law school in the first place. The hordes of English majors who fill our classes might think twice if they knew that economics and mathematics--with their emphasis on problem-solving--are the best preparation for a career in law. Flowery prose is seldom valued by an overburdened judiciary.
In addition to misleading students, the current system harms clients who often assume that their lawyers have more experience than they do. The system works for no one except, perhaps, lawyers at the biggest firms who can hire teams of associates to do the legal research that the case method is good at teaching. It should come as no surprise that most members of law-school faculties are big-firm refugees who graduated from elite schools and have little incentive to change the system.
In the good old days, of course, lawyers didn't think they could learn the law through a series of hypotheticals. Instead, like most of the Founding Fathers, they apprenticed themselves to practitioners and learned the skills they needed by doing. The case method was invented in the late 1800s by Christopher Columbus Langdell, the dean of Harvard Law School. (Harvard Law wasn't even founded until 1817.) Formal licensing requirements followed, and soon the state bars imposed exams upon the newly graduated that reinforced the notion that being a lawyer meant memorizing definitions and rules. Along the way, few bothered to ask if clients were actually well-served by a lawyer who knew the difference between assault and battery but couldn't negotiate a plea bargain for someone who had committed either.
These days, to call law school a "trade school" is considered an insult to the establishment. Professors are firmly entrenched in their intellectual camps and pursue their academic agendas. Faculty members with "real world" experience are rarely hired on that basis alone--although it is quite common to hire professors who have clerked for judges but never practiced at all. The Carnegie Foundation is to be admired for advocating more clinical education, in which students will have an opportunity to learn some hands-on skills.
But at the moment law-school clinics are short-term experiences. Students engage in limited representations in a specific field of practice, usually with a liberal tilt. (When was the last time, for example, that a law school opened a clinic to help small-business owners deal with claims brought against them under the Americans with Disabilities Act?) A few more clinics will not change the fundamental prejudice against experiential training when the entire system is rigged against it.
If law schools really want to change the way they train young lawyers, they would look to medical schools. The latter require clinical "rotations" in the last two years of a student's education and then demand at least one more year of training after graduation. By the time your doctor is licensed, he has examined hundreds of patients.
While many new lawyers will start out at big firms where they will rarely get to meet a client, most still go to smaller firms where they will meet clients immediately. The state bars profess interest in protecting the public, but none seem to care whether new lawyers can actually do the tasks with which they will soon be confronted.
Of course, law schools do not have the luxury of large teaching hospitals, with a mostly compliant indigent population on which their greenhorns can practice. And lawyers can't perform needle sticks on a corpse, as doctors can (no jokes, please). They are also restricted by the accrediting rules of the American Bar Association, which limit how many clinical hours a student may take.
But law schools can still act. They could team with local practitioners and institutions and demand that their students gain sustained clinical experience--broadly defined to include anyone needing legal help, not just the usual (nonprofit) suspects. The state bars could refuse to license lawyers until they performed at least one year of postgraduate work, as some other countries require.
Law is not brain surgery. It is a skill that can be acquired through practice and repetition. This is perhaps the most interesting lesson from Brian Valery, the over-ambitious paralegal: He fooled those around him who ought to have known best. In the late 1990s, I litigated against another paralegal who later pleaded no contest to five criminal misdemeanor charges of unlicensed law practice. What struck me about him at the time was how good he was at his job. He blustered, bluffed, threatened and cajoled with the best of them. He knew the law and argued it capably. But then again, he learned his trade the old-fashioned way: He practiced it.
And where it lives
Legally Blonde gets credit for calling my attention to it.
The recent arrest of Anderson Kill & Olick paralegal Brian Valery for practicing law without a license raises a number of questions about how the ersatz Fordham graduate could have gotten away with representing corporate clients in complex litigation--without ever having gone to law school. The more salient question, however, is: Would it have mattered if he had?
Legal education has been taking a beating recently. This month the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching issued a report criticizing the Socratic case method that dominates law-school teaching. According to the report, it does little to prepare lawyers to work with real clients or to resolve morally complex issues. Several months ago Harvard Law School announced a reform of its first-year curriculum to require classes in "problem solving," among other things. There appears to be an emerging consensus that although law schools may teach students how to "think like a lawyer," they don't really teach them how to be a lawyer.
It is hard not to agree. One of the biggest problems with the current state of legal education is its emphasis on books rather than people. By reading about the law rather than engaging in it, students end up with the misperception that lawyers spend most of their time debating the niceties of the Rule Against Perpetuities rather than sorting out the messy, somewhat anarchic version of the truth that judges and courts care about. When they graduate, young lawyers rarely know how to interview clients, advocate for their positions, negotiate a settlement or perform any number of other tasks that lawyers do every day. In short, they are woefully unprepared to be lawyers, despite the outrageous hourly fees charged for their services.
By giving students the false idea that being a lawyer is all about intellectual debate, we also drive the wrong students to law school in the first place. The hordes of English majors who fill our classes might think twice if they knew that economics and mathematics--with their emphasis on problem-solving--are the best preparation for a career in law. Flowery prose is seldom valued by an overburdened judiciary.
In addition to misleading students, the current system harms clients who often assume that their lawyers have more experience than they do. The system works for no one except, perhaps, lawyers at the biggest firms who can hire teams of associates to do the legal research that the case method is good at teaching. It should come as no surprise that most members of law-school faculties are big-firm refugees who graduated from elite schools and have little incentive to change the system.
In the good old days, of course, lawyers didn't think they could learn the law through a series of hypotheticals. Instead, like most of the Founding Fathers, they apprenticed themselves to practitioners and learned the skills they needed by doing. The case method was invented in the late 1800s by Christopher Columbus Langdell, the dean of Harvard Law School. (Harvard Law wasn't even founded until 1817.) Formal licensing requirements followed, and soon the state bars imposed exams upon the newly graduated that reinforced the notion that being a lawyer meant memorizing definitions and rules. Along the way, few bothered to ask if clients were actually well-served by a lawyer who knew the difference between assault and battery but couldn't negotiate a plea bargain for someone who had committed either.
These days, to call law school a "trade school" is considered an insult to the establishment. Professors are firmly entrenched in their intellectual camps and pursue their academic agendas. Faculty members with "real world" experience are rarely hired on that basis alone--although it is quite common to hire professors who have clerked for judges but never practiced at all. The Carnegie Foundation is to be admired for advocating more clinical education, in which students will have an opportunity to learn some hands-on skills.
But at the moment law-school clinics are short-term experiences. Students engage in limited representations in a specific field of practice, usually with a liberal tilt. (When was the last time, for example, that a law school opened a clinic to help small-business owners deal with claims brought against them under the Americans with Disabilities Act?) A few more clinics will not change the fundamental prejudice against experiential training when the entire system is rigged against it.
If law schools really want to change the way they train young lawyers, they would look to medical schools. The latter require clinical "rotations" in the last two years of a student's education and then demand at least one more year of training after graduation. By the time your doctor is licensed, he has examined hundreds of patients.
While many new lawyers will start out at big firms where they will rarely get to meet a client, most still go to smaller firms where they will meet clients immediately. The state bars profess interest in protecting the public, but none seem to care whether new lawyers can actually do the tasks with which they will soon be confronted.
Of course, law schools do not have the luxury of large teaching hospitals, with a mostly compliant indigent population on which their greenhorns can practice. And lawyers can't perform needle sticks on a corpse, as doctors can (no jokes, please). They are also restricted by the accrediting rules of the American Bar Association, which limit how many clinical hours a student may take.
But law schools can still act. They could team with local practitioners and institutions and demand that their students gain sustained clinical experience--broadly defined to include anyone needing legal help, not just the usual (nonprofit) suspects. The state bars could refuse to license lawyers until they performed at least one year of postgraduate work, as some other countries require.
Law is not brain surgery. It is a skill that can be acquired through practice and repetition. This is perhaps the most interesting lesson from Brian Valery, the over-ambitious paralegal: He fooled those around him who ought to have known best. In the late 1990s, I litigated against another paralegal who later pleaded no contest to five criminal misdemeanor charges of unlicensed law practice. What struck me about him at the time was how good he was at his job. He blustered, bluffed, threatened and cajoled with the best of them. He knew the law and argued it capably. But then again, he learned his trade the old-fashioned way: He practiced it.
And where it lives
Legally Blonde gets credit for calling my attention to it.
So, tell me...
1. What was your worst job?
2. Tell us about a place to which you've never been but that you hope to visit some day.
3. Your top-five list of television shows/series. Go.
4. Describe one of your guilty pleasures (not sweet tea).
5. I want to read a band story. Amuse me.
2. Tell us about a place to which you've never been but that you hope to visit some day.
3. Your top-five list of television shows/series. Go.
4. Describe one of your guilty pleasures (not sweet tea).
5. I want to read a band story. Amuse me.
Time to put on the snorkel and flippers
I'm buried in school again.
I did the math last night and figured out that I did 12 hours of reading for one class over the weekend, just to catch up. And that was with skipping the 8 hour class I still have to watch on video, along with the 4 hours I've already got on the list for my video watching pleasure from the other Saturday class I missed..
Then another 2 hours for Remedies to get on track for this week, and an hour to start the reading for Legal Research. I need to get Trusts done tonight too. And I spent about 2 hours researching my presentation for Biotech. Still have to find a paper topic, too. That'll be fun.
Yeah, go ahead. Gripe about not seeing me or talking to me. I'll be at Estrella. All else is pretty much optional.
I did the math last night and figured out that I did 12 hours of reading for one class over the weekend, just to catch up. And that was with skipping the 8 hour class I still have to watch on video, along with the 4 hours I've already got on the list for my video watching pleasure from the other Saturday class I missed..
Then another 2 hours for Remedies to get on track for this week, and an hour to start the reading for Legal Research. I need to get Trusts done tonight too. And I spent about 2 hours researching my presentation for Biotech. Still have to find a paper topic, too. That'll be fun.
Yeah, go ahead. Gripe about not seeing me or talking to me. I'll be at Estrella. All else is pretty much optional.
Monday, January 29, 2007
That's it, I give up...
How about I just throw the whole Bar thing out the window and join a Buddhist convent in Tibet instead?
Let's hope the career counselor at school has better ideas next week.
*le sigh*
Let's hope the career counselor at school has better ideas next week.
*le sigh*
Reality check
1257 – hotel for China
1000 – expenses in China
1200 – home expenses while in China
Total for China – 3457
Ok, no problem...
2900 – Bar Bri
3600 – expenses for 2 months of studying
Total for bar studying - 6500
Glerk... I think the folks that say you can't work while studying for the Bar are insane.
431 – moral character app CA
529 – Bar fee CA
119 – laptop fee CA
Total for CA Bar - 1079
475 – Bar fee CO
100 – laptop fee CO
Total for CO Bar – 575
525 – Bar fee OR
225 – investigation fee OR
Total for OR Bar - 750
Hahahahahahahaha.. ahem... Yeah, I need a stiff drink. Depending on which Bars I take, I'm looking at about $7,500 or so in expenses just to take the exam.
1000 – expenses in China
1200 – home expenses while in China
Total for China – 3457
Ok, no problem...
2900 – Bar Bri
3600 – expenses for 2 months of studying
Total for bar studying - 6500
Glerk... I think the folks that say you can't work while studying for the Bar are insane.
431 – moral character app CA
529 – Bar fee CA
119 – laptop fee CA
Total for CA Bar - 1079
475 – Bar fee CO
100 – laptop fee CO
Total for CO Bar – 575
525 – Bar fee OR
225 – investigation fee OR
Total for OR Bar - 750
Hahahahahahahaha.. ahem... Yeah, I need a stiff drink. Depending on which Bars I take, I'm looking at about $7,500 or so in expenses just to take the exam.
West Kingdom March Crown
So, who's with me?
I'm insane
It's only 641 miles, ie. the length of the entire state of CA...
The drive will be great - really!
I'm insane
It's only 641 miles, ie. the length of the entire state of CA...
The drive will be great - really!
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Thursday Thursday Thursday - at Estrella!
So, I call Ladies Night Out on Thursday night of Estrella.
Who's with me?
Bug me, I'll send you the scintillating details...
Who's with me?
Bug me, I'll send you the scintillating details...
Breathing Through my Ears
Yeah, the flu. It's all in my head, right? Yup, draining my brains down the back of my throat so that my lungs are just unhappy. My voice sounds like a 12 year old boy's - cracking like Greg Brady singing his heart out...
But the job fairy visited last night, and I'm slogging through the mountain of info on DA offices. Sacramento and San Diego are on the list with Portland, Seattle, and Denver, but I'm fighting hard to get San Diego back off the list. That's pretty hard when you know 7 people at the DA's office in town. Sigh.. Wouldn't be so bad if I had a love life here, but apparently that's just not the case. East Coast Girl + San Diego Men = Reality Show Material. But I got offered some help with folks up in Sac, so I think that might be ok. Still horse country, still a change of dating pool. And J emailed me some info on his Denver folks, so I'll safari there again soon.
And no Unbelted for me this weekend. Just found out that I have a Biotech class all day Saturday. Crappola - I was hoping to try out my stealthy new leftie action on the unsuspecting populace. Ah well. Maybe I should get a shield I can use on my right first, eh?
Back to shoveling through the paper on my desk and my coworkers actively avoiding me...
But the job fairy visited last night, and I'm slogging through the mountain of info on DA offices. Sacramento and San Diego are on the list with Portland, Seattle, and Denver, but I'm fighting hard to get San Diego back off the list. That's pretty hard when you know 7 people at the DA's office in town. Sigh.. Wouldn't be so bad if I had a love life here, but apparently that's just not the case. East Coast Girl + San Diego Men = Reality Show Material. But I got offered some help with folks up in Sac, so I think that might be ok. Still horse country, still a change of dating pool. And J emailed me some info on his Denver folks, so I'll safari there again soon.
And no Unbelted for me this weekend. Just found out that I have a Biotech class all day Saturday. Crappola - I was hoping to try out my stealthy new leftie action on the unsuspecting populace. Ah well. Maybe I should get a shield I can use on my right first, eh?
Back to shoveling through the paper on my desk and my coworkers actively avoiding me...
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
And the return flight, "Sammy descends back into Hell, known here as Phoenix"
So, I made the mistake of getting back onto a plane to Phoenix. Granted, they tried to warn me by canceling my flight. But I persisted, despite preferring to stay in CO, and got on a plane to Phoenix. Granted, that took 2 hours in line and the gate agent finally said "everyone in line go wait at the door, we'll fill as many seats as you can". Oy, gotta love that US Airways organization.
SO I get on the plane and pick a middle seat near the door for sheer escaping power. The guy on my right registers as no personality. Apparantly the man on my left stole his. Then proceeded to get completely blotto on run and coke. Unfortunately at this point, I don't trust US Airways not to leave me in the gutter somewhere, so I'm not big on indulging. But Mr. Blotto decides he's my best friend. So he proceeds to tell me everything about his life and his wife and his business partner, who he apparently needs to set me up with. Despite the fact that I've repeatedly said I'm seeing someone, thanks. Perhaos I should have said I'm a lesbian. No, actually he'd want a threesome or video or something. Ugh. But he only spilled drinks on me twice, and I escaped like my ass was on fire once the plane doors opened.
Miraculously, I made my connecting flight, despite a dodgy attempt by US Air to lose me in changing gates 5 minutes before boarding. Ha! You can't fool me! I get on the plane, and settle into my seat. Again, it's Mr. deathly quiet on my right. An adorable little 20 year old ends up on my right, fretting about her makeup at 11pm at night. She's on her way to see a guy, awww! So freaking adorable, and we giggle about fun things as she primps. Flight is relatively calm until the approach to SD. Apparantly Mr. deathly quiet is deathly ill. He starts puking as we're on the approach. Dear heaven and all that is gentle, this just can't be happening. Luckily, he's a neat puker, and gets it all in the little bags we hand him. Oy! Shoot me now...He's terribly embarrassed, we're terribly embarrassed, and I'm chanting "off the plane" in my head.
And again, US Airways decides to torture me. We sit on the tarmac for an additional 15 minutes since "there's a plane in our way". You've GOT to be kidding me! I'm controlling my annoyance very well so as not to annoy my seat mates, but good god, does no one know how to move a plane here? Let me out, I'll take care of it!
But eventually they pull into the gate, and I launch myself past embarrassed deathly ill man and pull chirpy girl behind me so as to propell her to the hot man picking her up. My baggage thanksfully pops up quickly, and The Orkney Search and Rescue team (Cathy and Riley) are waiting to swoop down and spirit me away. We scoot home, and I collpase like a Wal Mart tent...
Moral of the story - No US Airways!
SO I get on the plane and pick a middle seat near the door for sheer escaping power. The guy on my right registers as no personality. Apparantly the man on my left stole his. Then proceeded to get completely blotto on run and coke. Unfortunately at this point, I don't trust US Airways not to leave me in the gutter somewhere, so I'm not big on indulging. But Mr. Blotto decides he's my best friend. So he proceeds to tell me everything about his life and his wife and his business partner, who he apparently needs to set me up with. Despite the fact that I've repeatedly said I'm seeing someone, thanks. Perhaos I should have said I'm a lesbian. No, actually he'd want a threesome or video or something. Ugh. But he only spilled drinks on me twice, and I escaped like my ass was on fire once the plane doors opened.
Miraculously, I made my connecting flight, despite a dodgy attempt by US Air to lose me in changing gates 5 minutes before boarding. Ha! You can't fool me! I get on the plane, and settle into my seat. Again, it's Mr. deathly quiet on my right. An adorable little 20 year old ends up on my right, fretting about her makeup at 11pm at night. She's on her way to see a guy, awww! So freaking adorable, and we giggle about fun things as she primps. Flight is relatively calm until the approach to SD. Apparantly Mr. deathly quiet is deathly ill. He starts puking as we're on the approach. Dear heaven and all that is gentle, this just can't be happening. Luckily, he's a neat puker, and gets it all in the little bags we hand him. Oy! Shoot me now...He's terribly embarrassed, we're terribly embarrassed, and I'm chanting "off the plane" in my head.
And again, US Airways decides to torture me. We sit on the tarmac for an additional 15 minutes since "there's a plane in our way". You've GOT to be kidding me! I'm controlling my annoyance very well so as not to annoy my seat mates, but good god, does no one know how to move a plane here? Let me out, I'll take care of it!
But eventually they pull into the gate, and I launch myself past embarrassed deathly ill man and pull chirpy girl behind me so as to propell her to the hot man picking her up. My baggage thanksfully pops up quickly, and The Orkney Search and Rescue team (Cathy and Riley) are waiting to swoop down and spirit me away. We scoot home, and I collpase like a Wal Mart tent...
Moral of the story - No US Airways!
Fashion Alert!
Really one of the worst outfits ever created. Where exactly is this appropriate? Or fashionable?
it's a bra, it's an eyepatch, it's a toga
it's a bra, it's an eyepatch, it's a toga
Colorado itself
As for my trip to Colorado itself, it was lovely. Seeing snow again for the first time in something ridiculous like 4 years was grand. It was cold, wet, crunchy and like seeing an old friend. Or maybe adversary, for all the time spent shoveling. Apparently they're not used to having it hang around, but the sun ran screaming and there were still 2 feet of snow to crunch through. Then Saturday night it started with the flurries. Fabulous!
The event was fun! S kept saying it would be small, but nothing compares to the event I ran in the East that had 12 people show up. It couldn't possibly be THAT bad.. And it wasn't. Music was great, some good classes. I bought a few little goodies to take home and embellish things with. Got to see D again, and meet her friend S, who we proceeded to corrupt with wine. We camped out and talked and generally had a great time. We escaped briefly for court, then danced danced danced. Fantastic music - T and the rest of the musicians were fantastic. Nice to dance to real music again, instead of attack of crappy beledi all night. Everyone was friendly and sweet, I had a ball.
Lazy Sunday, which is not a bad thing at all. Had breakfast at a little diner in town that had tasty cinnamon buns. Ate lots of food.
Ft. Collins is a funky little college town - kinda cool actually. Luckily no law school, so the local area won't be completely flooded with new lawyers. We'll see how things go, but I am considering it. It's vastly cheaper to live there than Denver, so even if I didn't get an attorney position, I could technically survive on one decent job. I dunno - I do want to be an attorney. Hopefully I'll have luck applying to various agencies and small offices. But the are is rather nice - much calmer than California. I was relieved by how much less traffic there was.
All in all, a good time. Still reading the Denver sunday paper, but thus far it's got some interesting stuff.
Cheerio - off to bed. I soooo have the flu.
The event was fun! S kept saying it would be small, but nothing compares to the event I ran in the East that had 12 people show up. It couldn't possibly be THAT bad.. And it wasn't. Music was great, some good classes. I bought a few little goodies to take home and embellish things with. Got to see D again, and meet her friend S, who we proceeded to corrupt with wine. We camped out and talked and generally had a great time. We escaped briefly for court, then danced danced danced. Fantastic music - T and the rest of the musicians were fantastic. Nice to dance to real music again, instead of attack of crappy beledi all night. Everyone was friendly and sweet, I had a ball.
Lazy Sunday, which is not a bad thing at all. Had breakfast at a little diner in town that had tasty cinnamon buns. Ate lots of food.
Ft. Collins is a funky little college town - kinda cool actually. Luckily no law school, so the local area won't be completely flooded with new lawyers. We'll see how things go, but I am considering it. It's vastly cheaper to live there than Denver, so even if I didn't get an attorney position, I could technically survive on one decent job. I dunno - I do want to be an attorney. Hopefully I'll have luck applying to various agencies and small offices. But the are is rather nice - much calmer than California. I was relieved by how much less traffic there was.
All in all, a good time. Still reading the Denver sunday paper, but thus far it's got some interesting stuff.
Cheerio - off to bed. I soooo have the flu.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Kindness
Well, I'm sitting here with a sore throat, stuffy head, and a general desire to go home and sleep. Luckily I don't have class tomorrow night. Unfortunately I have 2 classes tonight. So, I'm slogging through. But a thought occurred to me as I considered what I needed to do to gently push myself to keep going today. One of my vendors said I was "too kind" this morning. Really? That's pretty cool. I've been working on that...
One of the hardest things for me to do used to be expressing kindness. I could be polite and funny, respectful, formal, but you couldn't have called me kind. I was too harsh, too abrasive. I'm sure I lost friendships over my Brillo pad personality. But I was determined to learn. The shocking part was when it came to how hard it was to be kind to myself. I didn't give a damn if I was sick, hurt, or worn down - I'd just keep going to the point of breaking. Well, I broke. For good reason, too. So I had to learn how to take care of me, hold myself when things went bad, and take it easy on my expectations for myself. Sure I still shoot for huge things, but I line up my troops beforehand and prep what I need to get there.
But being able to do that started with learning to be kind. And once you're kind to yourself, it's vastly easier to express to others. Am I overdoing it? I dunno. I could be too kind - too easy to take advantage of? But then I'm paying attention now. As Mr. HeadBiter said, I've got boundaries. It just takes longer for folks to walk all over them to the point that the annoyance registers. I'm too busy enjoying what I've got to need to exert control over things as strongly as I did before. I don't need to control, I'm good where I'm at. And thus, I'm kind. Or at least I try...
Off to pick up Green Curry Kindness for my sinuses and see how long I last. Blame the deep puddle gazing on the cold meds....
One of the hardest things for me to do used to be expressing kindness. I could be polite and funny, respectful, formal, but you couldn't have called me kind. I was too harsh, too abrasive. I'm sure I lost friendships over my Brillo pad personality. But I was determined to learn. The shocking part was when it came to how hard it was to be kind to myself. I didn't give a damn if I was sick, hurt, or worn down - I'd just keep going to the point of breaking. Well, I broke. For good reason, too. So I had to learn how to take care of me, hold myself when things went bad, and take it easy on my expectations for myself. Sure I still shoot for huge things, but I line up my troops beforehand and prep what I need to get there.
But being able to do that started with learning to be kind. And once you're kind to yourself, it's vastly easier to express to others. Am I overdoing it? I dunno. I could be too kind - too easy to take advantage of? But then I'm paying attention now. As Mr. HeadBiter said, I've got boundaries. It just takes longer for folks to walk all over them to the point that the annoyance registers. I'm too busy enjoying what I've got to need to exert control over things as strongly as I did before. I don't need to control, I'm good where I'm at. And thus, I'm kind. Or at least I try...
Off to pick up Green Curry Kindness for my sinuses and see how long I last. Blame the deep puddle gazing on the cold meds....
Pausing Rant for Drops of Wisdom
TWELVE THINGS IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN
by Dave Barry
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
You should not confuse your career with your life.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
Never lick a steak knife.
The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
Your friends love you anyway.
by Dave Barry
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
You should not confuse your career with your life.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
Never lick a steak knife.
The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
Your friends love you anyway.
Great trip, except for that travel part...Outgoing to CO fun.
I had a wonderful trip this weekend. Once I got there...
See, US Airways was bought by America West. I hadn't ever had a problem with either airline before, but apparently the mix of the two is hell on wings. I flew out of San Diego, and things were nice and calm. I had a lovely glass of wine at the airport bar and scooted over to my flight as they were boarding. The flight was delayed a bit due to weather in Phoenix, so I was beginning to sweat my connection along with the rest of the plane. Getting stuck in Phoenix is not on my list of fun and excitement for the weekend.
We landed, sat on the tarmac, and my blood pressure is rising. We finally unload and I run across the airport, lugging my school bag. I get to the gate just after the doors are closed. The service rep at the counter looks at me with a bored expression and says that the flight is gone and she can't help me. I have to go to Customer Service, which is starting to look like an amusement park ride line. Oy! So I call customer service while waiting in line at the CS counter. Nope, they can't help me either. But there's another flight in the next hour, not too painful, right? Well, I get to the counter and the little 20 year old boy working the counter types crap in furiously with a confused expression, hands me my ticket back and says "I can't help you." And there goes the redhead... I just about lost it. I'm sweating, smelly, and hate Phoenix. I'm holding a ticket to get on an aircraft and he's saying he can't help me???!!! I'm about over the counter when the guy next to him with a clue picks up where the little boy left off. He's trying to hold 3 phones to his ear while attempting to find someone who can pull up my ticket on the computer. Finally he finds someone and books me on a United flight (apparently even though my ticket says US Air, my flight is on United??? Huh? Hence why they can't help me...)
So I finally get a ticket handed to me. Then he says that I have to go out through security, get a bus to another terminal, go through security at the new terminal, and oh, it's down the hall to the left. Well, I walk down the hall, past the A, B, and C concourses. No way out... I trot back over towards where I was - nothing. I finally ask a vendor and they point me towards the security exit finally. I pop into the ticketing area and I'm confromted with chaos. I'm terrified I'm about to miss my flight, and there's a marching band and two sports teams all over the place. At this point I'm running back and forth, trying to find where this bus to the other terminal is. I'm on the phone, crying, running, and frustrated. Oy...
So I finally collar an elderly airline guy, after the "information" booth woman was clueless, and the janitor was only able to give me part of the story. I dash pash the basketball team again, muttering I hate Arizona, and finally find the door I need to take the shuttle. I jump on the shuttle and basically travel to another universe named United. I arrive at the counter saying "Help! US Airways ruined my life!" The other terminal is peaceful and serene in comparison, and the ticket guy is funny and helpful. A vast contract to the crappy attitude I got at the other terminal. I get my ticket, get an actual seat, and head to the gate. Not even being extra scrutinized by security fazes me, as there's no one in line. I cruise through, get a glass of wine and a salad, and finish my trip in relative peace.
I still hate Phoenix and US Airways though... More on the other end of the weekend, after I recount my happy time in CO.
See, US Airways was bought by America West. I hadn't ever had a problem with either airline before, but apparently the mix of the two is hell on wings. I flew out of San Diego, and things were nice and calm. I had a lovely glass of wine at the airport bar and scooted over to my flight as they were boarding. The flight was delayed a bit due to weather in Phoenix, so I was beginning to sweat my connection along with the rest of the plane. Getting stuck in Phoenix is not on my list of fun and excitement for the weekend.
We landed, sat on the tarmac, and my blood pressure is rising. We finally unload and I run across the airport, lugging my school bag. I get to the gate just after the doors are closed. The service rep at the counter looks at me with a bored expression and says that the flight is gone and she can't help me. I have to go to Customer Service, which is starting to look like an amusement park ride line. Oy! So I call customer service while waiting in line at the CS counter. Nope, they can't help me either. But there's another flight in the next hour, not too painful, right? Well, I get to the counter and the little 20 year old boy working the counter types crap in furiously with a confused expression, hands me my ticket back and says "I can't help you." And there goes the redhead... I just about lost it. I'm sweating, smelly, and hate Phoenix. I'm holding a ticket to get on an aircraft and he's saying he can't help me???!!! I'm about over the counter when the guy next to him with a clue picks up where the little boy left off. He's trying to hold 3 phones to his ear while attempting to find someone who can pull up my ticket on the computer. Finally he finds someone and books me on a United flight (apparently even though my ticket says US Air, my flight is on United??? Huh? Hence why they can't help me...)
So I finally get a ticket handed to me. Then he says that I have to go out through security, get a bus to another terminal, go through security at the new terminal, and oh, it's down the hall to the left. Well, I walk down the hall, past the A, B, and C concourses. No way out... I trot back over towards where I was - nothing. I finally ask a vendor and they point me towards the security exit finally. I pop into the ticketing area and I'm confromted with chaos. I'm terrified I'm about to miss my flight, and there's a marching band and two sports teams all over the place. At this point I'm running back and forth, trying to find where this bus to the other terminal is. I'm on the phone, crying, running, and frustrated. Oy...
So I finally collar an elderly airline guy, after the "information" booth woman was clueless, and the janitor was only able to give me part of the story. I dash pash the basketball team again, muttering I hate Arizona, and finally find the door I need to take the shuttle. I jump on the shuttle and basically travel to another universe named United. I arrive at the counter saying "Help! US Airways ruined my life!" The other terminal is peaceful and serene in comparison, and the ticket guy is funny and helpful. A vast contract to the crappy attitude I got at the other terminal. I get my ticket, get an actual seat, and head to the gate. Not even being extra scrutinized by security fazes me, as there's no one in line. I cruise through, get a glass of wine and a salad, and finish my trip in relative peace.
I still hate Phoenix and US Airways though... More on the other end of the weekend, after I recount my happy time in CO.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Wisdom
I had a very wise friend fit me into her ridiculously packed schedule to say hello this morning. I'm not usually one to talk to anyone before I've had coffee, but for her, I can make an exception. So we talked while she ordered her breakfast burrito while on the way to a training seminar.
She is one of the people I go to for an unbiased, unvarnished visit to reality. She is an excellent listener and is wonderful at reminding me of the basics of being a human being. It's ok to have anxiety and fear - she explains where it comes from and that it's perfectly normal. So it was nice to talk to her about my anxiety about ending school and rearranging my life yet again. She was one of those I relied on the last time I rearranged my life, and I came out a better person for the time spent with her. She was thrilled to hear about everything I had done and planned for the future.
It was just a huge relief to be reminded by someone I trust that I'll be fine, I'm doing what I need to be doing, and there's really nothing else I can do but live in the moment and relax. And then we giggled about me taking my mom to China with me :-)
Life is good. Breathe. And thank you, my friend. I vastly appreciate it.
She is one of the people I go to for an unbiased, unvarnished visit to reality. She is an excellent listener and is wonderful at reminding me of the basics of being a human being. It's ok to have anxiety and fear - she explains where it comes from and that it's perfectly normal. So it was nice to talk to her about my anxiety about ending school and rearranging my life yet again. She was one of those I relied on the last time I rearranged my life, and I came out a better person for the time spent with her. She was thrilled to hear about everything I had done and planned for the future.
It was just a huge relief to be reminded by someone I trust that I'll be fine, I'm doing what I need to be doing, and there's really nothing else I can do but live in the moment and relax. And then we giggled about me taking my mom to China with me :-)
Life is good. Breathe. And thank you, my friend. I vastly appreciate it.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Whew! Busy day
I set up and took down a bunch of meetings today, which ate the morning. Escpecially with one needing full network access for everyone in the meeting. I don't mind pulling everything out and making it work, but more than 20 minutes notice would be nice. And more than 10 minutes to tear it all down before the next meeting would be lovely too. I'm so demanding.
Ran through a series of benefits questions while heading back to my office. Then talked to the bookeeper we're moving up to our office next week. She spontananeously hugged me when I was done explaining the situation and reassuring her we'd take care of her. Apparently customer service isn't a big priority in her HR office. SHe's all excited to have me to rely on. Sheesh! Nice to know I'm appreciated by the lay folks, even if the uppy ups think I'm expendable. Wonder who's going to hold hands and pat people on their back if I'm gone?
Finally got away for a bit of gym time and lunch. Couldn't do too much at the gym, Adam the trainer kicked my ass yesterday. Lots of hurty muscles still, but still managed a bit over a mile on the treadmill in 10 minutes. And stopped for the wonderful, fabulous salad at the place next door. I'm attempting to eat more rabbit food in the interest of not getting sick all winter like I did last year. So far, so good!
Feeling pretty good, more class tonight. Then cleaning the house, packing and finishing up stuff tomorrow. Then I'm out of here for the weekend, wheee! I can't wait!
Ran through a series of benefits questions while heading back to my office. Then talked to the bookeeper we're moving up to our office next week. She spontananeously hugged me when I was done explaining the situation and reassuring her we'd take care of her. Apparently customer service isn't a big priority in her HR office. SHe's all excited to have me to rely on. Sheesh! Nice to know I'm appreciated by the lay folks, even if the uppy ups think I'm expendable. Wonder who's going to hold hands and pat people on their back if I'm gone?
Finally got away for a bit of gym time and lunch. Couldn't do too much at the gym, Adam the trainer kicked my ass yesterday. Lots of hurty muscles still, but still managed a bit over a mile on the treadmill in 10 minutes. And stopped for the wonderful, fabulous salad at the place next door. I'm attempting to eat more rabbit food in the interest of not getting sick all winter like I did last year. So far, so good!
Feeling pretty good, more class tonight. Then cleaning the house, packing and finishing up stuff tomorrow. Then I'm out of here for the weekend, wheee! I can't wait!
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
REM
So I spent the night in tons of dreaming. One of those nights when you wake up and feel like a lot was going on behind your own eyes. But I feel pretty darn good, about to head off to the trainer to get my butt kicked. Then class tonight for the first day. I am glad to be getting this semester started. 14 weeks, then summer classes, then only one more semester to go. It should fly by!
I was amused to have the cats on top of me all night. It's COLD around here! It was in the 20s when I woke up. Luckily the temperature hasn't stayed that low, but I really need to buy a pair of non-sandal shoes. And find my socks. I know I have socks. I'll be glad to have them with me this weekend. Bit more packing, a few things to check if they need repairs, and I'm all set. I'm really looking forward to it!
I was amused to have the cats on top of me all night. It's COLD around here! It was in the 20s when I woke up. Luckily the temperature hasn't stayed that low, but I really need to buy a pair of non-sandal shoes. And find my socks. I know I have socks. I'll be glad to have them with me this weekend. Bit more packing, a few things to check if they need repairs, and I'm all set. I'm really looking forward to it!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Strength
WEAKNESS OR STRENGTH
Bits and Pieces, August 15, 1996
Economic Press, Inc.
Sometimes your biggest weakness can become your biggest strength. Take, for example, the story of one 10-year-old boy who decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.
The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.
"Sensei," the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?"
"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied.
Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.
This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
"No," the sensei insisted, "let him continue."
Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.
On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.
"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"
"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm."
The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.
Bits and Pieces, August 15, 1996
Economic Press, Inc.
Sometimes your biggest weakness can become your biggest strength. Take, for example, the story of one 10-year-old boy who decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.
The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.
"Sensei," the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?"
"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied.
Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.
This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
"No," the sensei insisted, "let him continue."
Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.
On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.
"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"
"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm."
The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Lessons from my winter break
Ahh winter. A chance to hide inside and relax, right? Well, I finished my exams and fell down. Then got up and sewed like a fiend. I had started my break with a break, literally a break up with a nice guy. Just didn't work out. Then started talking to someone else. Again, probably not working out any time soon. So I decided to go back and glean my little lessons from things, as I highly believe there is value in everything you experience. Nothing is ever over, and being enlightened is a good thing...right?
1. Karma is a bitch. Good, bad, intellectual, and visceral. Apparently I still have some to trade on the open market...
2. Sewing does not equal creativity. But my clothes will keep many warm at Estrella this year.
3. Fear and disappointment are human. And common. So is hope. The challenge lies in holding onto one in the face of the other two.
4. I'm pretty damn stubbborn when it comes to knowing how I feel. I know how I feel finally. That's pretty cool! And I'm not as logical as you might think. Just really articulate.
5. Hard work pays off. In spades. Despite how painful it can be at times.
6. I want a really beautiful love in my life. And I'm not interesting in settling for merely pretty.
7. My friends are precious and dear. They have held me close, dried my tears, explained the chaos, drilled me with flash cards, asked what they can do to help, and just handed me a beer when all else just doesn't matter.
8. I'm pretty damn happy with my life. I bounce back quickly. I experience things fully, take a look at what happened, then move on to the next experience. Heck, I'm travelling pretty lightly lately. And I'm not interested in picking up any baggage, thanks...
9. Exercise and good, healthy food are the simplest, least drama laden ways to make myself happy. Sure, it's not as satisfying as some things. but there are few strings attached.
10. I still hate sword and board. But I will learn it.
1. Karma is a bitch. Good, bad, intellectual, and visceral. Apparently I still have some to trade on the open market...
2. Sewing does not equal creativity. But my clothes will keep many warm at Estrella this year.
3. Fear and disappointment are human. And common. So is hope. The challenge lies in holding onto one in the face of the other two.
4. I'm pretty damn stubbborn when it comes to knowing how I feel. I know how I feel finally. That's pretty cool! And I'm not as logical as you might think. Just really articulate.
5. Hard work pays off. In spades. Despite how painful it can be at times.
6. I want a really beautiful love in my life. And I'm not interesting in settling for merely pretty.
7. My friends are precious and dear. They have held me close, dried my tears, explained the chaos, drilled me with flash cards, asked what they can do to help, and just handed me a beer when all else just doesn't matter.
8. I'm pretty damn happy with my life. I bounce back quickly. I experience things fully, take a look at what happened, then move on to the next experience. Heck, I'm travelling pretty lightly lately. And I'm not interested in picking up any baggage, thanks...
9. Exercise and good, healthy food are the simplest, least drama laden ways to make myself happy. Sure, it's not as satisfying as some things. but there are few strings attached.
10. I still hate sword and board. But I will learn it.
Friday, January 12, 2007
What do you do when you're too good at what you do...
It got pointed out to me last night that I am a really rational person. Really intellectual, thoughtful, analytical mind. And it's made me lose part of my emotional self, to the point where I'm not apparently expressing myself in emotions anymore, but instead I can talk in theories and facts instead of how I feel. I feel like I got kicked in the stomach today, after a night of using that glorious mind to torture myself. Beyond the immediate issue of this conversation, I was up, thinking of course, all night about what that means. A few years ago, I went to school overwhelmed with emotion. It was a very difficult time in my universe. It was comforting to bury myself in books to stop the hurt. Books don't break your heart and make you wonder why you do things like that. Well, I got so good at surfing over the surface that I don't let the emotional side out anymore apparently. I can for folks I trust - my family, my close friends. I do when I dance and I really dig into the music. But based on my ridiculous schedule, I didn't feel like I could give someone what it takes to keep a relationship alive until I got that piece of paper. But now this. And ooooh I want it. Goodness I want it.
Now, frankly, normally I can't blog this crap. I just can't. My emotional life in it's current raw state isn't something I share very openly. But this is me, and I need to deal with it. And it's way too important for me to keep in. And since expressing myself seems to be the issue, then here's my expression. I'm happy, thrilled, enchanted, intrigued, and attracted to someone. He inspires me to greater things and doesn't know he does. He makes me want to crack open the vault holding onto my heart and throw it back out there where it's vulnerable again. I hate being vulnerable, open to being hurt again, but it's the road to where I want to go. Time to pull out the flashlight and go down into those places that used to be so very happy, and yet fell into quiet. They're beautiful places, but I haven't lit the candles in wuite some time. Time to stop putting logical doors on it and forcing myself to not feed the creature for fear that it will grow into something I can't handle. I can handle it, I'm perfectly capable. I just need to learn to jump again.
So yeah. I have no idea if I can do this the way I did before. But perhaps I can find another way.
Now, frankly, normally I can't blog this crap. I just can't. My emotional life in it's current raw state isn't something I share very openly. But this is me, and I need to deal with it. And it's way too important for me to keep in. And since expressing myself seems to be the issue, then here's my expression. I'm happy, thrilled, enchanted, intrigued, and attracted to someone. He inspires me to greater things and doesn't know he does. He makes me want to crack open the vault holding onto my heart and throw it back out there where it's vulnerable again. I hate being vulnerable, open to being hurt again, but it's the road to where I want to go. Time to pull out the flashlight and go down into those places that used to be so very happy, and yet fell into quiet. They're beautiful places, but I haven't lit the candles in wuite some time. Time to stop putting logical doors on it and forcing myself to not feed the creature for fear that it will grow into something I can't handle. I can handle it, I'm perfectly capable. I just need to learn to jump again.
So yeah. I have no idea if I can do this the way I did before. But perhaps I can find another way.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
The wheels on the bus go round and round....
It's official. I'm a hamster.
Why? you ask....
Because I do the same damn thing every day, despite having time off from school. I haven't posted any deep thoughts lately. I realized today, at the gym (running on my human sized hamster wheel), that my blogs are downright boring as of late. No drama! No chaotic weird stories! Yes folks, I'm pretty content. The holidays didn't do their normal tap dance on a land mine thing. My love life is calm. The SCA has stopped being more entertaining than a Mexican soap opera. School has been served a nice happy 4.0 to keep them quiet. I think my job is the only angst left, and frankly, I have no problem with being on unemployment. It would put a crimp in my style, but that's ok for a bit...
So I cruised on over to read the Luddite's latest columns at Wired.com (http://www.wired.com/news/columns/0,71379-0.html - there's one for good measure). I like his columns because he's one of the last folks to say it's ok to not buy into the overly materialistic, technological, non-personal interaction that has eaten the soul of our society. He's about the only media type to tell me it's ok not to want the latest designer hoo-ha out there, and it's ok to prefer to talk to people in person, face to face instead of constantly on the phone/email/text/tin cans and string. The older I get and the closer I get to being out of debt (except for my brains, they're quite dramatically in hock) the less I need crap. I'm not terribly impressed by expensive things. Sure, I still love flowers and jewelry. But more because of who gave them to me and what they represent to me. Please note that I rarely wear jewelry. I just haven't had anything I had to wear, other than my medic alert bracelet, since I got divorced. And flowers are just fleetingly glorious. I'd rather get what i have to work than acquire more crap. The Internet isn't helping either - I'm now comfortable not lugging an entire library around the universe. I'm down to 2.5 bookshelves.
But yeah. There's your deep thought. Impress me with who you are, not with what you own, can buy, drive, yadda yadda. I'm impressed by actions, thoughts, and your inner calm. Inner calm my socks off :-)
Why? you ask....
Because I do the same damn thing every day, despite having time off from school. I haven't posted any deep thoughts lately. I realized today, at the gym (running on my human sized hamster wheel), that my blogs are downright boring as of late. No drama! No chaotic weird stories! Yes folks, I'm pretty content. The holidays didn't do their normal tap dance on a land mine thing. My love life is calm. The SCA has stopped being more entertaining than a Mexican soap opera. School has been served a nice happy 4.0 to keep them quiet. I think my job is the only angst left, and frankly, I have no problem with being on unemployment. It would put a crimp in my style, but that's ok for a bit...
So I cruised on over to read the Luddite's latest columns at Wired.com (http://www.wired.com/news/columns/0,71379-0.html - there's one for good measure). I like his columns because he's one of the last folks to say it's ok to not buy into the overly materialistic, technological, non-personal interaction that has eaten the soul of our society. He's about the only media type to tell me it's ok not to want the latest designer hoo-ha out there, and it's ok to prefer to talk to people in person, face to face instead of constantly on the phone/email/text/tin cans and string. The older I get and the closer I get to being out of debt (except for my brains, they're quite dramatically in hock) the less I need crap. I'm not terribly impressed by expensive things. Sure, I still love flowers and jewelry. But more because of who gave them to me and what they represent to me. Please note that I rarely wear jewelry. I just haven't had anything I had to wear, other than my medic alert bracelet, since I got divorced. And flowers are just fleetingly glorious. I'd rather get what i have to work than acquire more crap. The Internet isn't helping either - I'm now comfortable not lugging an entire library around the universe. I'm down to 2.5 bookshelves.
But yeah. There's your deep thought. Impress me with who you are, not with what you own, can buy, drive, yadda yadda. I'm impressed by actions, thoughts, and your inner calm. Inner calm my socks off :-)
Ahhhh....
Wow, I am really having a lovely week. If it weren't for this pesky working thing, I'd be bliss girl! Just a few more gremlins to kick out of my boss's office, a tower of paper to tame, and yet again I get to go home. The goal is to get organized before classes start. We'll see if that happens!
Life is just freaking grand! Had a lovely evening at home last night, watching movies and such. Slept like a rock, woke up rested for once, and got to work just in time to run around like a maniac. We'll see how I do at the gym today :-)
Life is just freaking grand! Had a lovely evening at home last night, watching movies and such. Slept like a rock, woke up rested for once, and got to work just in time to run around like a maniac. We'll see how I do at the gym today :-)
Monday, January 08, 2007
You're soaking in it...
Off to West 12th Night this weekend, it was fabulous! Had a really lovely time saying hello to friends and schmoozing my way across yet another kingdom. Although I must say, my capacity for political hoo-ha is much less than it was. Perhaps its school, perhaps it's my last year or two of reprioritization, perhaps it's my fighter mentality, perhaps it's me growing up - I just couldn't do more than a few hours of meet and greet without my face hurting and craving a nice stiff drink. But it was looooovely to see my friends up that way and show off the garb I made for D forever ago. Go ego, go ego! And I met the man in person. Oh yes, I did...
Drive was long, painful, and brutally over in 16 or so hours including both ways. Hotel room was close by enough to be near the action, yet far enough that we got to breakaway and actually have a chance at getting sleep. Which we did sleep,really we did, as both of us seemed to need it terribly. But we strolled through tiny little Modesto to and from the event all day. Strange little town - the sidewalks definitely roll up at 9pm. And you're not allowed to eat on Sundays apparently, except at the hotel.
Saw friends from back east. The "It's a Small World" theme plays in my head every time I see him, as he knew me way back when I started in the SCA. And his new wife is such a sweet lady, I'm happy for them both. Hopefully we can convince them to visit at one of the wars.
Gosh, lots to relate, yet too much to process into words. But I did have such a wonderful time, R&B looked like Teutonic Gods, and the LOS were ravishing in pretty garb and big smiles. Much fun, but time to recover. Remind me to fly up there from now on :-(
Drive was long, painful, and brutally over in 16 or so hours including both ways. Hotel room was close by enough to be near the action, yet far enough that we got to breakaway and actually have a chance at getting sleep. Which we did sleep,really we did, as both of us seemed to need it terribly. But we strolled through tiny little Modesto to and from the event all day. Strange little town - the sidewalks definitely roll up at 9pm. And you're not allowed to eat on Sundays apparently, except at the hotel.
Saw friends from back east. The "It's a Small World" theme plays in my head every time I see him, as he knew me way back when I started in the SCA. And his new wife is such a sweet lady, I'm happy for them both. Hopefully we can convince them to visit at one of the wars.
Gosh, lots to relate, yet too much to process into words. But I did have such a wonderful time, R&B looked like Teutonic Gods, and the LOS were ravishing in pretty garb and big smiles. Much fun, but time to recover. Remind me to fly up there from now on :-(
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Limbo, my personal hell...
Currently, I have a few situations in my life which involve waiting. Lots of uncertainty, unknowns that could bite me in the ass, things I should bide my time on or just have to see what happens. And this, my friends, is probably one of the things I hate most in the world. I despise waiting for any period of time longer than a day or two. I'm big on decision making, moving forward, not dicking people around, and just getting things settled. I used to have an ulcer because my job was to wait. And wait and wait and wait. I simply hate it, it takes a huge toll on my system!
But then, I've been burned terribly in the past as well for jumping too quickly. Checking references extensively has become the way I do things, and my gut has become rather well trained in the ways of the people radar. Unfortunately it seems that for some things, I just have to continue to be patient! Luckily, one will resolve tomorrow, thank goodness! Another situation I'm about to prod the recruiter about yet again in a moment. And I just about had a heart attack today when I thought my China tuition had been lost in the mail - eek! I about died waiting for the bank to call me back. Luckily things are fine, but whew, crappy few moments there! They still lost my tuition payment, but that seems to be fixable with only minor inconvenience.
Ugh, I'm tired I think. Time to go home!
But then, I've been burned terribly in the past as well for jumping too quickly. Checking references extensively has become the way I do things, and my gut has become rather well trained in the ways of the people radar. Unfortunately it seems that for some things, I just have to continue to be patient! Luckily, one will resolve tomorrow, thank goodness! Another situation I'm about to prod the recruiter about yet again in a moment. And I just about had a heart attack today when I thought my China tuition had been lost in the mail - eek! I about died waiting for the bank to call me back. Luckily things are fine, but whew, crappy few moments there! They still lost my tuition payment, but that seems to be fixable with only minor inconvenience.
Ugh, I'm tired I think. Time to go home!
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
I'm feeling unclever, under this pile of paperwork
Go read someone's Blog who is clever:
http://www.banterist.com/
Snort alert on the most recent post. I almost got a hernia...
http://www.banterist.com/
Snort alert on the most recent post. I almost got a hernia...
New Year, New Day...
Well, there goes 2006. Lookie there. Well, good times, amusing things happened, good stuff and bad stuff. And now for 2007.
I survived the holidays remarkably unscathed. Much more so than usual. All thngs considered, I'd say that's progress. Other than spending too much in general, I'm pretty happy with the outcome. Luckily, the spending too much is remedied within a paycheck or so, and I'll be back on track once the 14 people with new garb pay me for sewing completed.
I hammered out a massive pile of garb all weekend. I think the grand total was something like 12 or 14 garments all finished? Sure, I had started some before the weekend, but it doesn't count in my book unless it's ready to be delivered. And I got a pile of work done on the sexy applique tunic from hell. Much more to go, but the sleeves are Greekalicious! Probably some of my best detail work ever, and that was the simple motif :-)
Happy New Year - hope the hangovers weren't too terrible and everyone made it home safe!
I survived the holidays remarkably unscathed. Much more so than usual. All thngs considered, I'd say that's progress. Other than spending too much in general, I'm pretty happy with the outcome. Luckily, the spending too much is remedied within a paycheck or so, and I'll be back on track once the 14 people with new garb pay me for sewing completed.
I hammered out a massive pile of garb all weekend. I think the grand total was something like 12 or 14 garments all finished? Sure, I had started some before the weekend, but it doesn't count in my book unless it's ready to be delivered. And I got a pile of work done on the sexy applique tunic from hell. Much more to go, but the sleeves are Greekalicious! Probably some of my best detail work ever, and that was the simple motif :-)
Happy New Year - hope the hangovers weren't too terrible and everyone made it home safe!
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