And the return flight, "Sammy descends back into Hell, known here as Phoenix"

So, I made the mistake of getting back onto a plane to Phoenix. Granted, they tried to warn me by canceling my flight. But I persisted, despite preferring to stay in CO, and got on a plane to Phoenix. Granted, that took 2 hours in line and the gate agent finally said "everyone in line go wait at the door, we'll fill as many seats as you can". Oy, gotta love that US Airways organization.

SO I get on the plane and pick a middle seat near the door for sheer escaping power. The guy on my right registers as no personality. Apparantly the man on my left stole his. Then proceeded to get completely blotto on run and coke. Unfortunately at this point, I don't trust US Airways not to leave me in the gutter somewhere, so I'm not big on indulging. But Mr. Blotto decides he's my best friend. So he proceeds to tell me everything about his life and his wife and his business partner, who he apparently needs to set me up with. Despite the fact that I've repeatedly said I'm seeing someone, thanks. Perhaos I should have said I'm a lesbian. No, actually he'd want a threesome or video or something. Ugh. But he only spilled drinks on me twice, and I escaped like my ass was on fire once the plane doors opened.

Miraculously, I made my connecting flight, despite a dodgy attempt by US Air to lose me in changing gates 5 minutes before boarding. Ha! You can't fool me! I get on the plane, and settle into my seat. Again, it's Mr. deathly quiet on my right. An adorable little 20 year old ends up on my right, fretting about her makeup at 11pm at night. She's on her way to see a guy, awww! So freaking adorable, and we giggle about fun things as she primps. Flight is relatively calm until the approach to SD. Apparantly Mr. deathly quiet is deathly ill. He starts puking as we're on the approach. Dear heaven and all that is gentle, this just can't be happening. Luckily, he's a neat puker, and gets it all in the little bags we hand him. Oy! Shoot me now...He's terribly embarrassed, we're terribly embarrassed, and I'm chanting "off the plane" in my head.

And again, US Airways decides to torture me. We sit on the tarmac for an additional 15 minutes since "there's a plane in our way". You've GOT to be kidding me! I'm controlling my annoyance very well so as not to annoy my seat mates, but good god, does no one know how to move a plane here? Let me out, I'll take care of it!

But eventually they pull into the gate, and I launch myself past embarrassed deathly ill man and pull chirpy girl behind me so as to propell her to the hot man picking her up. My baggage thanksfully pops up quickly, and The Orkney Search and Rescue team (Cathy and Riley) are waiting to swoop down and spirit me away. We scoot home, and I collpase like a Wal Mart tent...

Moral of the story - No US Airways!