Momentum.

Gosh, it's funny. Plotting new things to do at events in the upcoming year makes things more sparkly to look forward to! I was considering the conversation posted below and contemplating my SCA universe lately. Things Are Done Differently in Caid, more so than anywhere I've ever lived, and part of me has mourned that loss. It has made me more cynical, crass, short tempered, and less giving than anywhere else I've lived. Why? Mainly because I feel detached from the general SCA community. There are no regular social events to laugh with friends over a beer at that include all comers. This random horsehockey going on for the past few years has made every host and hostess in this Kingdom, and outside, have to examine their invite lists for possible explosives in the mix. Talk about gun shy... It's just difficult for me to be inspired while watching perfectly capable people make a mess of things. So, I've been creating quietly in the background, with occasional forays onto the battlefield to be with the guys and enjoy my chosen sport. Frankly, I just want to relax and breathe, and the only places I've done this in the past year while at an SCA event were Estrella and Pennsic. Sadness, plain and simple.

Sure, other kingdoms have their issues as well, and I grew up speaking a different language entirely in my cold, Eastern hometown. But then I may not have met the very many wonderful people in my life had I not moved to San Diego when I did. Such a huge treature in my life, I am quite lucky. But since I have a few people who have inspired me lately and the time to create something, I may attempt to surprise them with a little token and an explanation. My nutty standards has made it hard for me to find inspiration at times, so without sounding egotistical, I'd like to tell these people what they mean to me. We forget sometimes that we affect others in dramatic ways, and I do feel it's important to reward the good. Sure, I'm a nobody, trundling along in my nobody SCA hobby. But I remember that before I left the East, someone told me how much it meant to them that I took time to help them along. It was touching, and sometimes those moments are worth the most.

So off I go, plotting in my little fashion, to attempt to bring something nice to the folks who've given me some hope in the game. It's a bit scarce at the moment, but somehow I've held onto it. Let's see if I can make it grow again.

A Veritable SCA Gem!

http://www.chronique.com/Library/Chivalry/dialog.htm

Long, much thought involved, yet sums up many good things about the SCA.

Take some time out for it.

Year End...

Yeah, it's year end. And the joy of being both AP and HR means that I have about 4 million things to report on at year end. Vacation time, accruals for expenses, random stuff that just HAS to get done by the end of the year. I even took a picture of my desk this morning, just so I could remember what it should look like before I pulled out all the crap for the day. My head was about to explode after running around for 5 hours with a stack of paper in my hands, so I went out to get sushi and pick up the parking passes.

Wooooosh! Apparently the weather has changed again in San Diego - it's a blustery day! So I get to look like Cousin It while procuring lunch for myself. Just fabulous.. But I safely got food, yet no parking passes, and headed back to the office for the next 4 hour run. Mr. Approval is in the office today, so I need to get all the invoices, contracts, and HR crap in front of his nose or else it won't get done at all.

I am sooo looking forward to another long weekend this weekend, and next week is just a wonderful time. The 4th is a good day, yes it is....

Winter-ish?

Well, I survived another Christmas with the family. Every year since I moved out here, I have to do the mental shift that is required to feel like it is Christmas. San Diego is not a winter wonderland by any stretch of the imagination, and while I adore all the sunshine, it makes for a lack when I want to see snow and make snow angels, then pile back inside for toasty warm hot cocoa around the fire. Heat exhaustion would set in if I tried that around here, not to mention the muddy angels and grass stains! And, alas, no fireplace in my little hobbit hole!

So each year I rejoice in the slightest chill in the evening air, enjoy the little tracings of frost when they venture out, and long for a close by spot to visit the snow. Julien sometimes has snow, but usually by the time they get the snow, close the roads, open the roads, and I get my butt up the mountain, the snow is gone. I think it would be a myth, except occasionally I see the little bits leftover melting quietly in the shade. *sigh* Who am I fooling - I don't own more than one pair of boots anymore! Most of my shoes are impractical little sandal things :-) Ugh, SoCal, you have altered me! I can't buy a pair of shoes anymore unless my little toes can peek out!

So while I'm forgetting the slush, the frozen door locks, the drips that get down the back of your neck, the crunch of a snowball to the face, frozen hair, salt on everything, cold feet, shoveling the driveway, I do honestly miss actual snow. But mostly I miss snow days and the other good stuff! Like snuggling inside... Mmm, yeah...

A moment of silence folks

The Godfather of Soul has passed on:

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=2750402&CMP=OTC-RSSFeeds0312

I GOT A 4.0 IN EVIDENCE!

YAAAAAAHOOOOOOOO!

Go ME!!!!!!!!!

I just checked the site one last time - BIG FAT 4.0 in EVIDENCE!!!!!!!!

I'M THE BEST, OH YEAH!

AND it might be the highest grade in the class.....

Oh hooray, the holidays...

Well, last half day at work, then the weekend frenzy of the holiday thing, then back to work next week. I'm currently shoveling through just enough of the paper on my desk to get some of the important things done, yet leave something for next week's amusement when no one is here but basically me and a few die hard folks with die hard clients who just HAVE to close their deals by the end of the year.

Got the grade anticipation down to a dull roar and only checking the site 17 times per day for my last grade. Got the rest of my anticipation down to a tingly happiness and a comfort level in eating a donut. Still trying to convince myself that I should go to the gym before heading home today. The gym is still winning, mainly because I was huffing and puffing on the treadmill on Tuesday when I went. It would be a good thing, since I know I won't be back until next Tuesday at the earliest. A week without gym is not a good thing. Yoga is nice, but doesn't really count.

Then off to my sister's for holiday fun and a complete lack of privacy for 3 days. I'm sleeping on the couch, thanks to a currently singleton state and a distinct lack of guest rooms at my sis's. In theory, I could sleep in the office curled around the fax/printer/dishwasher thingie, but that would require effort in setting up something to sleep on around the piles of presents and random stuff stacked in there. I'm feeling like a guerilla Xmas this year - get in, get out, take only what you can carry.... But I'm looking forward to our traditional Polish Xmas eve dinner, both me cooking it and me eating it. Yummy, extra heavy peasant food! And it's always fun to watch my nephew do anything. I have a great picture of him trying to help my dad sweep. My dad would make a pile, and my nephew would scatter it everywhere again. It was hilarious!

But I've got some time tonight and tomorrow to kick out a few more projects, get my crap packed up, clean out some of the boxes and stuff in my kitchen, and go to the party tonight. I got a few things done last night, and pulled out a few things to work on at my sister's. I always seem to put off the hand finishing work as long as humanly possible, so I'm packing all of it up to plunk myself on the couch and actually sit and watch TV this weekend. Yeah, write it on your calendar, I know I am!

Hmm, should I feel bad for highly limiting my Xmas giving this year? I'm really not feeling that terrible about it. I got gifts for just those physically and emotionally really close to me. Really close. I'm giving out much less this year than I normally do, and just concentrating on seeing people and calling them to say hello. I'm slowly trying to step back from the Christian holidays - I'm not too keen on celebrating most of them. But Christmas is hard, partially because of the huge onslaught of forced hiliday cheer EVERYWHERE! But it's a family tradition, so I will always celebrate it on some level. So, instead I'm trying to give smaller gifts, give more happy thoughts, and make things for others instead of giving into the mall hunt for largesse. I've never been one for office gifts, nor even cards. Ever since the Politically Correct thing came along, it's just not right to me. I don't have a problem wishing someone a Merry Christmas or Happy Hanakah even though it's not my holiday. And they can wish me the same and it's about being nice, not incorrect. Eh. People stink sometimes. Stop trying so hard to be right and try to be nice instead. Big difference.

Hmm, can you tell I'm not that busy today and I'm just treading water until I can dash over to the gym?

Merry Christmas folks. Happy Hanakah, too. Or whatever you celebrate, may it be wonderful!

Just ridiculous...

All I want for Christmas is a 2.0 or higher in Evidence.

Go me with the high standards, eh? Sheesh...

Oh lordy...

So I got two of my grades and they don't suck. They're not great, but they're out of the "crap I might get kicked out of school" range. And I'm still waiting on the last grade which should be the best grade overall. Am I sad that they're not A's? No, not at all. I'm at the point that I'm just happy to get the hell out of school. I'm struggling with the upper level classes because they somewhat switch the rules on you. Now that you've mastered the basics of the game, we'll just make it more difficult to figure out overall. This professor prefers that style, that professor prefers that style. Who the hell knows what that professor wants. In theory, I should be doing better as a 3L. In theory, I should be working my ass off and busting out fantastic grades. In reality, my care-o-meter is running on empty. I'm just tired.

But yay, no failing grades. Yeah, I worry about that. But none so far.

And breathe....

Well, I snarled at the universe via one of my other blogs yesterday afternoon, and lo and behold, it responded! Within a few hours a few things got resolved, taking some of the load off of my heart for all this waiting. Granted, my job situation hasn't resolved, but I got a tip on a possible great job from my neighbor. And granted, I just got a voicemail from the recruiter chasing me down a few weeks ago saying they're still interested, but the holidays ate the hiring manager. And granted, I still have to wait another two weeks to see someone. But knowing that makes me feel vastly better! No grades yet, I'm practically gnawing on my desk in anticipation. If I tanked, this could be very bad. But I think I did average, so hopefully my gut is correct.

So yeah, things are good. Very very good. I really do need that 2 weeks to tackle some of the sewing strewn about my apartment like bad decor. I have mountains of commissions for Estrella (although if I get going, I'll be done with all of them in the next 2 weeks). Life is lovely. Could be a bit better, but progress is better than sitting and stewing...Now it's time to kick my 12th night plans into gear, get crap scheduled and booked, and get cranking on the sexy new garb for me for once!

And yes, I think your charm might hold, Mister. I do believe it just might.

The holidays ate my head...

Well, I'm female. Single, but female. Thusly, there is an expectation that I will hunt and gather and provide much amusement this holiday season. So last night, after a rousing gathering of other such females and discussing every issue under the sun, two of us were notified of great treasure at the land of Wal-Mart.... Treasure at Wal Mart, you question? Why yes, as there was much sexiness in the $2 fabric bin! Woohoo! My companion and I oooed and ahhhed and attacked the pile in a seamstress frenzy, coming up with fabric that made my eyes sparkle and more that clung to my companion's shape in a most fetching manner. We wrestled our treasures through the store, only stopping for the sexy lingerie section to stock up on more goodies for the upcoming festivities. We compared our purchases and giggled. Then giggled harder as we remembered rooming together for past events and recounted our different styles.

See, I'm relatively low maintenance, and my companion is the epitome in high art, high maintenance woman. Not in a bad way, but our tastes in men run similarly different. She likes a man who notices that she took a smidgeon off her hair, changed her lipstick and nail color just a bit, and that her sexy items all match. I prefer a man who isn't even going to notice that I'm wearing pink today instead of mauve yesterday. Sure, he'll mention that I look great, but I'm a bit weirded out if he has better fashion sense than I do. It's one thing to like one thing over another. It's another to have an entire line of skin and hair care products to rival a good salon in his bathroom. I don't even know what's in fashion - I just know what looks good on me from what's in the store right now. So for me, watching her get ready at past events was a rather entertaining contrast. I showered, put styling stuff in my hair, did a bit of makeup, blew my hair out and arranged it nicely, slipped into my garb, tossed on the jewelry, and voila! Maybe 30 minutes tops, from dripping wet to sparkly. My dear dear friend on the other hand, went through a PROCESS. It was fascinating! Everything was just so, she has items I'd never even seen or heard of. I was tempted to get a snack and come back to watch, maybe sell tickets. Yet again, Sammy on safari, watching the preening habits of the natives :-)

But yeah, she did rub off on me a bit last night. I got new sexy underthings. And fabric to put more sexy clothes over it. But whew! So nice to see the difference in folks and be able to appreciate them. And I'm glad to hear there seems to be someone for everyone out there! Bringing my safari hat from now on, seems I'm needing it more and more. Krikey!

How not to give advice....

Hmm, I got faced with an issue that anyone who knows me will understand what a problem it is. A former friend was asking around for advice in a situation I'm very knowledgable and skilled about - lots of personal experience. However, as much as I will drop the universe, rearrange the tides, and scramble the stealth bombers for my friends, I can't consider this person a friend. Past experience has shown me that I will get burned, and it's generally not worth it. So I'm stuffing a sock in it, whistling dixie and walking away from the situation with a "oh gee, can't help you there."

Ugh, I'm terrible at doing this. I *like* helping folks out, it's another good reason for me to become a big bad lawyer. Advice is just one of those things that if I have a good tip, I pass it on. But, perhaps I'm maturing and mellowing. Sure, I'll help if asked. But given the past situations, I'm just not sticking my neck out there for just anyone anymore. It's certainly a more realistic approach. And I'm much more comfortable with only giving advice to folks I know. I hear a lot of stupid stories about people doing ridiculous things based on what they thought they heard.

But it's sad in a way that now I do want to limit my advice. Do I trust people? Some of them, but I'm not even interested in knowing everyone. I certainly have hit my quota of saving lost puppies in my lifetime. I'm kinda done with project people. If you haven't figured out by the time you're 30, you might want to buy a clue and dig into that American dream thing. Hard work does pay off, so does getting a career of sorts, not spending more than you earn, and finding someone non-psycho to be with. I'm big on all of those. But note that there is no saving the world on the list.

So yeah, despite my yammerings about being a super hero, I'd really just perfer to be myself. Although looking good in spandex will always be a value of mine :-) I'm not a hero, but I play one in the courtroom....

blog via email

Ok, kinda cool. In theory I can email my blogs to my blog. Kind of like long distance finger painting.

 

Let's see if this works..

--


No woman in my time will be Prime Minister… ~Margaret Thatcher, The Sunday Telegraph, 1969



http://sambalaya.blogspot.com/

And back to my usual substance-less drivel...

I got my nails done for the first time in something like 6 months today. It was a level of fabulous! And I got to figure out the details on the ice rink at Horton plaza. Ice is for skating, and I miss it terrible! Despite being really sucky at it....I needed the break from thinking as a small woman painted pretty colors on my hands nad feet. It was lovely...

Although I'm railing against the last of my exams like anyone in their third year of law school would, I'm really doing ok. My focus hasn't ever really been on being the top of the class. Well, top 1/3, but not the uber law geek of all. I've got a life, thanks. I really pinch myself in the mornings and wonder how I got here sometimes. Then I remember the work, the crappy strange jobs, my firends and exes who have helped me immensely. And I'm still in awe that my mother and I haven't had an argument in months. It's a new record for us, kinda strange. I might be maturing. Eek! And I'm blessed with an excellent family of overachievers who are actually nice folks too. Huh, lookie there...

My brains are tapioca, btw. I have one exam tomorrow and the last of my take home paper to finish up. The paper isn't going to be great. I'm going to try, but thus far it's not pretty. I just don't feel like I got a good overview on the whole land use planning process in CA. Too much confusion from bringing in illustritive examples from other states. Blah. But I got a brilliant idea last night, so I'll be spending some time tonight and tomorrow digging into that. It'll be great.

Family Medical Leave Act

This is that program that lets you leave work and take an unpaid leave to do something family and health related: have a baby, care for a sick relative, get therapy for that which ails you. While in some ways it's the bane of my existance, I'd want my job back if I needed to do something like this.

The Dept of Labor is taking comments on people with experience with this benefit. Had a baby lately? I't probably relevant to you. Here's more info:

http://www.nationalpartnership.org/Default.aspx?tabid=140

http://www.halfchangedworld.com/2006/12/fmla_input_need.html

I make no guarantees as to how biased or factual it is, but they do give the links for making comments.

This is your government asking you to talk to them! Go do the American thing if you have something to say! This is direct participation, folks, and it affects many of us, probably all of us at one point or another. I really don't care what your view is, just go express it :-)

Good lord...

There are some days where you just look at everything that happened and what you're expected to get done and wonder when jobs got so ridiculous.

I got abused by a vendor today. Badly. And I'm still cranky about it, especially since they seem to think they can abuse us for not paying invoices that they never sent to us. Might be a good time to work on that offhand wrap when I get home. Definitely a bit of pell therapy tonight, otherwise I won't get a damn thing done.

I hate being worked into a tizzy by random people. Ugh, when did it become ok to just call someone and yell at them? And in a business capacity! I simply cannot believe the sheer gall of it. Especially since I returned her call promptly to get the info she couldn't bother to leave me to look things up. What did I get for doing my job promptly? A big whonking pile of shit. Thanks, I'll go shovel out now.

So I've been trying to shake this for a few hours, but I think it's a bigger issue. Why the hell should I care about dealing with any of it when my job is supposedly going away, yet frankly no one's bothered to set a date or anything yet? And I'm suppposed to care? Ugh, I'm a morale issue. Oh well, my coworkers are cool, and the vendor's supervisor got the most tactful objection I could muster. And tomorrow I'm going shopping for a new vendor.

Those wonderful movies...

LOTR was on last night - The Two Towers. It's probably my favorite of the series. Why? Because it's the one where you're not sure if good will win out. It's (to me) the one that challenges the characters the most to simply set aside their disbelief and rely on hope. Sure, you could argue that The Return of the King is more so, but I just adore the smaller scope of the Battle at Helm's Deep more. It's more personal. More desperate. There's no massive city/fortress, just this relatively smaller, ancient bastion set into the rocks of the mountain. I love the rain of the battle, the appearance of the elves at the door, the close up and personal shots of the fighting, and the appearance of Gandalf at the end. This one isn't won by spirits - it's won by people.

And oh, the images! And the feelings they stir! I still adore the interactions between Arwen and Aragorn the most in this one. The dreaming and waking. Their brief moments together. His fall into the river and his return to Helm's Deep. Great stuff - gets me every time.

And this is the only movie where they really interact with the people of Middle Earth. The trip to Helm's Deep is neat - ambush by wargs and all!

So yeah, it's my favorite. And I'll change my mind again tomorrow. I love images that stir up my creativity and inspire me to bring a bit more of that magic to my universe. And hope. Hope is good.

Metabolism....

I did it. I stopped the runaway metabolism dead in its tracks. Hopefully now I'll stop the weight loss marathon, too.

Recipe: 1 fried shrimp po-boy + fries with creole dipping sauce (aka. spicy mayo)

Arrange food attractively in the little black box, place dipping sauce at a jaunty angle. Dive in with great abandon while examining the latest museum catalog at desk. Wait for that sinking feeling as your gall bladder attempts to compensate for the worst nutrition you've had in 2 weeks. Breathe. Listen to the overdrive unhitch itself and the burning sensation of overachieving metabolism finally subside. Feel arteries harden and choke on the amazing SoCal meets Louisiana meal.

Ahhhh.... I need a nap. Maybe I'll finally dream again. Ahh, to sleep perchance to dream. Hopefully not at my desk.

Evidence exam - the effects

Yup, I'm an Irish Setter on crack today. I've gotten a bunch of stuff done, but I'm not exactly herding the cats as efficiently as usual. Some of it is just mental exhaustion from the exam and prep time the last few days. Some is anticipation, both good and otherwise. Some is just dread for the 2 more upcoming mountains to climb before this semester is officially over. *sigh*

It is a very good thing I carpooled today. I'm a bit concerned that I may not have enough brains to work the treadmill at the gym. Nice.

I dream of no homework, going straight home after work, having time to read the 2 ft. stack of magazines next to my bed, planning trips without having to do extra homework for 2 weeks in advance. Yes, I dream. When my brains are working, that is. Maybe I'll have a nice, crappy, comfort food lunch. Maybe it's a combo of brain usage and the simple fact that I'm up to 7 lbs lost in a 10 day period. Mmmmm, comfort food. And the place on the corner has a shrimp po-boy that's extra happy...

Friday morning meditation

C and I drove into work this morning, and we got to talking as usual. We meandered through our usual range of issues: conflicts between friends, goals for the warband, helping out newbies. We’re in agreement that having projects to work on and new people to train makes our group better focused on positive things. I brought up some of the issues I’ve had with this area, especially in the SCA. My difficulties have come from some interesting situations that I’ve never dealt with or noticed before. Granted, this is the first kingdom I’ve ever been single in for any length of time. So I’m not surprised that I get the “oh, she’s pretty, therefore she must be a snob, bitch, etc.” And I simply can't believe the crap that happens in belly dancing around here. No wonder I'm going back to home haflas! So I don’t feel quite like I’m home here. I have some very cherished and good friends, and I’m very glad I moved here. SoCal has taught me a lot of good things. But it’s still not home.

There’s a line in one of Neil Peart’s books about finding a place that just feels like home. You know it when you find it. Well, I haven’t found it yet. I feel at home when I’m sewing or working my magic with my people at work to get things running smoothly. I feel at home when I’m on the line with the guys at the start of a battle when we’re all sparky. But these are fleeting, and I have yet to find that spot or situation that gives me that comforting homey feeling just being in it. I’ve never found or built a home. Mel is laughing at me right now and muttering “gypsy girl” under her breath at me. And she’s right. I’m big on going out and finding what I want or need. And I’m not afraid to pick up and move to do it! But my feet are rooted to the spot for the moment. I have no choice but to stick things for another year, despite my disappointment in some aspects of the area. So I’ll have to deal with not going with my normal pack up and leave when you can’t fix things solution. Learn some patience and stick out the last of my school.

And maybe that’s the thing I have to learn. Sometimes you just have to stick it out. Take it head on, despite the fact that things look pretty impossible. I’ve got a lot of good things I can work on here instead of focusing on the things I’m not happy with. *sigh* As for what I’m looking for, well, I’ll know it and him when I see him. :-)

Who eats this stuff?

Eggplant Lentil Stew with Pomegranate Molasses Recipe? Really?

http://www.elise.com/recipes/archives/004194eggplant_lentil_stew_with_pomegranate_molasses.php

I just don't get it.

Care and Feeding

So, I have a wonderful friend who is generally known to be a lesbian. None of that switching back and forth stuff. She was all about girls, until recently. She emailed me a bit ago, letting me know she’s dating a man! And she’s thrilled, but a bit clueless as to what to do with him. Things are working out generally well, yet the rules seem to be different for men v. women. So, in the interests of education and congenial relations between opposite sex couples, I am compiling my personal observations on those wonderful Man creatures! So imagine my best Steve Irwin impression, yet in the genteel manner of the 18th century explorers, and we shall begin:

1. She writes, “He doesn’t call often, is he still interested?” Oh yes, my dear, you’ve run into the perennial issue women and men have in communication. Women generally like constant communication, telling every thought and word, and use the phone as if it prolonged life itself. We’d rather talk about it than let it slide and see how things go. However, on my safari through love land, I have noticed a general tendency to use a lot less verbal communication by men. They just tend not to. There are, of course, exceptions! I personally tend to be bad about the phone. If I say I’ll call, I will, but I’m just too busy to be chained to the phone on a constant basis. My advice? Relax, call a girlfriend. And pay attention. If he sounds like he’s sick of talking to you on the phone, you’re probably coming on a bit too strong. Let him call you for once. Plan an outing with friends. Have a cocktail and watch your favorite movie. Having a life is sexy, and one who is constantly on the phone, checking on their significant other, probably doesn’t have a rich social life. Comprenez vous?

2. She writes, “Are we dating? It seems rather casual at times.” Well, my dear, is he consistently scheduling time with you? Is he seeing anyone else romantically as much as you? Do his friends know he’s spending time with someone new? Does he flat out light up when he sees you? (more on body language in a bit) If you can answer yes to these, then chances are you’re at least “seeing each other”. And without getting into the difficulties of labels (ugh!), these are general signs that things are progressing nicely. Your female gut reaction is usually pretty accurate, so turn it on! Listen to what it says! If he just doesn’t seem to be into you, yet calls you in the late evenings because he wants to “hang out”, you might be a booty call. Up to you if you’re ok with that, but let’s not pretend he’s the love of your life if you’re never seen in public fully clothed together.

3. She writes, “He doesn’t react the same – I can’t read his body language.” Well, no dear, not if you’re used to women! Men are just as readable as women, it’s just a different form of subtle. There are different attraction rules for how men and women act. Women flip their hair, primp, cross their legs, etc when they’re feeling attractive. Men tend to lean in, touch your arm, do little things for you (get you a drink, check on you), and just simply plunk themselves next to you for the evening. Physical touch is the most defining one I’ve noticed – if he likes to be touching you, it’s an excellent sign. And some things are universal – standing with arms crossed, leaning back away from you, not meeting your eye – all signs of negativity towards you – something is wrong, even if it’s not about you! And eye contact, leaning in towards you, and attention on you means good things usually. Make mental notes on what he’s doing physically and how he says he feels. Over time, you’ll see patterns.

4. She writes, “I want to see him this weekend, but he’s not getting the hint.” Well, silly, where’s your baseball bat? If you like the guy, tell him! If you want to spend time with him, tell him! It’s not a game or a mystery – he doesn’t get what’s behind door number one if he guesses what your silly mind is thinking. Just tell him. In short sentences that are clear and concise. If he can see you and is interested in spending time with you, he will find time. If he doesn’t want to or doesn’t have time, he won’t. And it may not be about you – Aunt Tilly the Horrendous may be visiting, and he doesn’t want to inflict her upon you. But if you ask clearly, you have a better chance of finding out the details. Your Ouiji board is not a good substitute.

5. She writes, “He doesn’t cuddle…” Darling, do you want a teddy bear or a man? One is vastly cheaper, one is vastly more fun! Men are about different kinds of physical contact, and just like women, vary widely on how much is satisfying. Right after a fantastic moment in bed, he may need a few minutes to get his mission control back online. Houston, we have a power outage after that last liftoff! It’s just a mental restart he needs to take care of, and he may fall asleep. It happens. Wrap yourself around his arm and count Prada shoes until you drift off yourself. And be happy.

6. She writes, “He won’t tell me what he told his friends about me.” Oh princess, that’s usually a good sign. A. he’s talking about you. TO HIS FRIENDS. Rejoice quietly in your adoration. B. It usually means that he actually likes you and can’t keep the news in. But if you’ve been psycho and there have been collective Bad Moments lately, he may be looking for advice on how to extricate himself. Pay attention. If things are going well, it’s probably that he likes you. But don’t make him dish. They’re his feelings, and guy language may not sound flattering to you, yet is the height of fabulous to his friends. Let it go and let them discuss amongst themselves. Look at his actions, not the words involved. That’s his world, with its own secret language and such. Let him have it, as your universe and girl talk is just as baffling to him. Over time you’ll learn how to convey those sorts of things, but for now, let it go…

7. She writes, ”He’s wonderful, but how do I tell him?” Oh honey, this one applies across the board as to compliments and communication in general. Too much is too much. You know why emeralds are valuable? They’re rare. Not horribly so, but they’re not paving my street. A constant stream of everything fabulous makes it mundane. Pick your compliment, wait for when he’s paying attention, turn your face to his, look him in the eye and deliver it with all your heart. Done right, it’s just a better moment than a constant patter of everything fantastic about him. Besides, we all know someone who lays it on thick, yet, they’ve just got to be full of it sometimes, right? But don’t hold back entirely either. If you don’t seem to care about anything he does, he’ll stop doing nice things. You would too if you never felt appreciated, right? So choose things to be special and then make them special. Takes a bit more brain power, but then you can savor each one like Godiva melting in your mouth. Encourage the best, but make it clear.

And yes – Pay Attention! This goes for all of you. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and has a proclivity for water, chances are you’re safe calling it a duck. If it’s confusing, feels wrong, isn’t satisfying, just isn’t smoothly running along, chances are it isn’t. There’s a disconnect. Either talk about it and figure things out or get out. There’s too much pain caused in the world by wishy washy. I hate wishy washy! Either I’m the best thing since sliced bread in your world and you’re my knight in shining armor who I can’t wait to see, or we’re friends or less. Period. There is no honor in jerking yourself or others around. And you could be missing out on someone really fantastic! What are you waiting for! Go get them, hug them, squeeze them and name them George!

And play nicely. Politeness is fading away these days, and you never know if that guy you just sneered at was an excellent match for you. Now he’ll probably never talk to you, awwww. And guys, whistling at a woman implies dog-ness to her. I’m just saying.

And ladies, remember that you may not date this man forever and ever. Do you want him to be known as the plastic spoon and K-Y guy? No? Then don’t divulge every little detail to the girls over cocktails. I like mystery and suspense in my world. My best friend is the only one who hears those deep dark things, and even she doesn’t need to hear most of the really personal stuff. And couples just don’t interact the same across the board. Something he does with one chick may not be the same way he reacts to you! And she could be lying. Let’s be serious. Regardless, you look like the less than lady-like type when you gossip, ok? Dish some, just not all. And definitely not to the gossip mongers of the world.

So, I’m hoping this makes the world a bit easier. I’m not perfect in the slightest, I just try to be smart about things, patient, and let everyone be their own person. Hooray! Now, go try it out. Let me know if I need to add any further explorations. So much to discuss, yet it can be overwhelming! Good luck, and may the force be with you!

4 weeks!

Crappity crap crap - it's 4 weeks until Xmas! My next 3 weekends are solidly booked with friends and family, and I have about 47 presents to make. EEK! I have to remind myself to finish exams first, but once those are over I need to sew like a fiend. I have a vest, a tree skirt, a pillow, an intricately appliqued Greek thing, and who knows what else to pull out of my shrinking butt :-)

So looks like I'll be sewing all night (between emails and phone calls) and working at the cat herding thing all day that last week or so before Xmas. Thank god I went shopping in July for random nice things for the girls. I saved my own butt. Where's my cape!

So yeah, nice realization there, and I can't even go do anything about it until I can recite the Huddleston standard, objections, and similar motive test by heart, wheee! And then I'll do the same for Admin law while pulling a Land Use exam in all its glory out of my aching little brain.

And why is it that my brother is nearly impossible to shop for. He keeps ignoring my emails about what to get him and I'll be buying him what's left from his wedding registry, just for the heck of it. I know his lovely wife won't be sad :-)

It's official...

www.rush.com

I hate being a Rush fan on the west coast. I remembered that I haven't been to the Rush site in a few months, and roamed over to see what I'm missing. Oh the horrors! I'm missing the VH1 classic showing of the Rush 30 concert tonight and tomorrow night for the reshowing!

Granted, I can go buy the DVD set and all, but I didn't even know about it! I don't hear them on the radio out here, I don't hear about their rockline interviews, nothing. I need a dose of Canadian, eh? And I feel a specific bond with these guys as the band is almost exactly as old as I am. So I celebrated my 30th with their 30th, and life was good!

Thanks goodness for the internet or I'd be bereft! Time to go load up the MP3 player with my Rush playlist again and go overdose :-)

Crap, I almost forgot!

My loan request on Prosper.com is completely funded! I'm going to China! And I can afford to go to China! Woohoo!

Back on track

Back at my desk today, nothing too terrible happened in a day here. Big pile of paper to push around to various people, but nothing I can't handle.

Figured out a few amusing things as I woke up and trundled to work this morning. Stepped on the scale for the first time in a week and was more amused. I must be happy, I dropped 5 lbs. Usually if things are going well and I'm excited, all the nervous energy makes me svelte. If I'm unsure about stuff or things aren't going well, I tend to stay a bit rounded, almost like I need padding against the universe. Well, apparently I don't need it at the moment, as I just dropped the weight like a hot rock. Kinda neat actually, since I'm usually not too svelte during exam time. Right after, but not during...

Eh, coffee is a wonderful thing. It's the only way I function before noon sometimes. I really enjoy being paid for my people skills and managing workloads. I always wanted to get paid to talk and solve problems, and now I'm there.

Off to shovel through the piles to prioritize. Cheerio!

Mmmm, distraction.

Well, I finished all of my flash cards and have a working knowledge of Evidence. Now I just have to memorize a 2" stack of the buggers in 2 days. Eh, it'll all work out in the end.

I think I need a walk in the dreamtime with the drums. Mind still scattered, albeit for good things. No news on job, anticipation is killing me for a few things. But all is well. And I'm properly trained in harrassing people, thanks to work.

Off to go for a run through the subconscious. Type more manana..

Ok, I'm the queen of distraction today....

Not only is a recruiter dangling that fabulous job in front of my nose, not only is it exam season and I need to study something fierce, not only am I utterly unmotivated to work at a job that is disappearing, but someone just popped into my universe, and is actually holding my attention through all of this. To the point that I didn't get a lot of sleep due to conversation last night.

Yeah, I can hear all of you. WHOAH... I don't give up sleep easily, nor do many people hold my attention for terribly long. It's not a bad reflection on them, I'm just Irish Setter girl at times. I tend to be juggling about 17 things, and to get me to drop the to do list in my head is a minor feat. And I'm in a good mood about it(some of you just hit the floor). Yeah. Weird, huh?

Well, horrorscope said to ask the universe for what I wanted and it might actually show up this time. So I did. And it may have for many things in my life. I think I live in interesting times. God help me. And please don't leave too many scars. Last time this much happened in a short period of time, I fought tooth and nail and got a lot of scars and missed opportunities. This time I'm willing to wait and see and flow with it. And damn Abba, to hell I say! Quit singing "Take a chance on me" in all it's disco glory in my head! Ack... Weird weird feeling. Things don't drop into my lap normally, and it's been a dropping into my lap kinda week.

Argh, I'll go find comfort in invoices and finances and flash cards. Right after I check my email again and pinch myself :-)

Monday Monday

Aloha and good morning, noble readers..
I survived a lovely weekend yet again, despite the threat of the grumpies on Saturday night and Sunday. A bunch of us went to the December Nights thingie at Balboa park on Saturday. I have to say, what a travesty it's becoming! It used to be a wintertime Christmas celebration. Well, since the PC folks got a hold of it, it's turning into just another street fair. There were fewer "holiday" type things this year than past years, and since it was warmer than last year, a ton more people. Lots of rudeness and I was rather disappointed.

It's a shame, because the museums and International houses use it as a fund raiser for their activities. But it's turning into more of a general fund raiser and less of a holiday cheer sort of thing. Heck, I even signed the petition to turn it back into "Christmas on the Prado", mainly because I think it's a dying event due to lack of focus. Plenty of people there, but no real holiday cheer.

But I did enjoy our trip through the railroad museum, and visited the Khazak exhibit again so I could see the fantastic horse barding again. R and C were duly impressed as well! I got pictures of the applique on the tail piece, I may attempt to reproduce it on a coat or something.

Unfortunately after an evening of pushing through crowds, I was exhausted and left early with C. And unfortunately again, the stress monster ate my head, and I snapped at the neighbors when they were loud at around midnight. Luckily they're forgiving types...

Spent quality time with Evidence and Land Use again yesterday. Not as much as I would have liked, but I did make a big pot of potato sausage soup! Yummy! More studying tonight, then up early for training in Irvine in the morning. Blah, rush hour in SoCal... Oh heck, I wonder if I have anyone's couch I can crash on in OC...

The problem with having too many names...

I've got a bunch of names in my actual name. Then I got married and changed my middle name. Miraculously, the state of my birth sends me a birth certificate with my married last name on it. ACK! I was not born married to the guy, thanks...

So I get my divorce, survive 9/11, change careers, decide to go to law school, and sign up for the China program. Which requires a passport. Which requires a birth certificate that matches my driver's license. *le sigh*

The Internet will save me! I roam here and there, attempting to find anything telling me A. why this happened, and B. How to fix it. Yesterday I searched to no real avail. The city website was about as helpful as a brick to the foot. Must be all that snow heading their way. So I gave up on them.

But I know I'll need the divorce decree, so I order a copy of that from LaLa land, and search through my vital papers for all the accutrements of my various name changes. Thus I find my "corrected" birth certificate, and growl at it again at seeing my former married name again (jokes about Roto Rooter are not allowed!).

But on the birth certificate is a different office. A Records Amendment office! Ooooo, amendments. I want another amendment, please. Luckily the State of NY website is vastly easier and more informative. And lo and behold, they have an informational email address. So I shoot off an email, hoping for a real person with a brain.

A lovely woman emails me back, assesses my situation, and tells me how to fix it! Jackpot! Ding ding ding! This makes me happy. So once my various papers show up, I'll pack them all in, print out our email train, and ship it off to the nice lady so I can still get my passport within 6 months.

My quest is almost over!

Fascinating article about the Pharmaceutical Industry

The legal drug industry and the impact of one Indian manufacturer... http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/14.12/indiadrug.html

Fascinating stuff...

So very sorry to hear

J, hon, my best possible wishes and warmest thoughts are with you on your loss. Your gracious hospitality to your family and perseverence in the face of mortality are the stuff knights should be made of.

May your heart heal and the memories live on of your aunt.

http://fallingintoforty.blogspot.com/

And my reaction to the company newsletter article...

See, now I couldn't have said it better. Really when folks say I'm harsh, it's mainly beacuse I hold myself to the responsibility standard. No excuses, no reasons, start now. Granted, I don't always hit the standard, but I'm really trying to live up to it. And isn't that what integrity is about? Living up to whatever standard you value. Doesn't mean you're perfect, and I certainly don't expect perfection in others. That's up to them. Perfection is overrated - what the heck do you have to work on if you're perfect?

But I do see lies, deceit, discomfort with reality, confusion as a chance to figure stuff out. It doesn't feel right, it doesn't look right, so why ain't it right? It's not about being better than anyone but myself, and boy, do I compete hard with myself. But lately I've been learning to let up a bit and sit back to relax. Yes, I did learn something from you, B. Relaxing is important and shouldn't be ignored while under stress. I'm learning to be gentle with myself again. Push for the goals, yet take breaks. Balance, grasshopper, balance.

And I've decided that I need to make time for more creative stuff again during this break. My muse is sulking in the corner of my head lately for presenting all of these fantastic ideas for garb and dancing, yet getting pushed aside for one last pile of schoolwork. It's frustrating, because I'm usually the most creative and motivated to do creative stuff when I'm stressed out about how much work I need to get done. Productive procrastination? Ugh, not helping on either as I don't have time to finish the creative stuff until the school is over. And don't talk to me about wanting to hit the pell. I was doing really well with getting out the the pell a few times per week until the time changed and messed with my sunshine hours..

So yes, always looking for one more challenge, one more beautiful project, one more moment of grace.

My company newsletter has some great stuff.

WHERE YOU ARE NOW AS OPPOSED TO WHERE YOU WANT TO BE

Editor's note: This article first appeared in a July 2004 issue of our award-winning (debatable) newsletter. We're running it again because we're pedagogomaniacs. (Yes, we made up the word) It's an excerpt from Jack Canfield's book "The Success Principles: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want To Be."

If you want to create the life of your dreams, then you are going to have to take 100 percent responsibility for your life as well. That means giving up all your excuses, all your victim stories, all your reasons why you can't and why you haven't up until now, and all you're blaming of outside circumstances. You have to give them all up forever. You have to take the position that you have always had the power to make it different, to get it right, to produce the desired result. For whatever reason -- ignorance, lack of awareness, fear, needing to be right, the need to feel safe -- you chose not to exercise that power. Who knows why? It doesn't matter. The past is the past. All that matters now is that from this point forward you choose -- that's right, it's a choice -- you choose to act as if (that's all that's required -- to act as if) you are 100 percent responsible for everything that does or doesn't happen to you.

If something doesn't turn out as planned, you will ask yourself, "How did I create that? What was I thinking? What were my beliefs? What did I say or not say? What did I do or not do to create that result? How did I get the other person to act that way? What do I need to do differently next time to get the result I want?"

It is not the external conditions and circumstances that stop you -- it is you! We stop ourselves! We think limiting thoughts and engage in self-defeating behaviors. We defend our self-destructive habits (like drinking and smoking) with indefensible logic. We ignore useful feedback, fail to continuously educate ourselves and learn new skills, waste time on the trivial aspects of our lives, engage in idle gossip, eat unhealthy food, fail to exercise, spend more money than we make, fail to invest in our future, avoid necessary conflict, fail to tell the truth, don't ask for what we want -- and then wonder why our lives don't work. But this, by the way, is what most people do. They place the blame for everything that isn't the way they want it on outside events and circumstances. They have an excuse for everything.



You can change your thinking, change your communication, change the pictures you hold in your head -- your images of yourself and the world -- and you can change your behavior -- the things you do. That is all you really have any control over anyway. Unfortunately, most of us are so run by our habits that we never change our behavior. We get stuck in our conditioned responses -- to our spouses and our children, to our colleagues at work, to our customers and our clients, to our students, and to the world at large. We are a bundle of conditioned reflexes which operate outside of our control. You have to regain control of your thoughts, your images, your dreams and daydreams, and your behavior. Everything you think, say, and do needs to become intentional and aligned with your purpose, your values, and your goals.