See, now I couldn't have said it better. Really when folks say I'm harsh, it's mainly beacuse I hold myself to the responsibility standard. No excuses, no reasons, start now. Granted, I don't always hit the standard, but I'm really trying to live up to it. And isn't that what integrity is about? Living up to whatever standard you value. Doesn't mean you're perfect, and I certainly don't expect perfection in others. That's up to them. Perfection is overrated - what the heck do you have to work on if you're perfect?
But I do see lies, deceit, discomfort with reality, confusion as a chance to figure stuff out. It doesn't feel right, it doesn't look right, so why ain't it right? It's not about being better than anyone but myself, and boy, do I compete hard with myself. But lately I've been learning to let up a bit and sit back to relax. Yes, I did learn something from you, B. Relaxing is important and shouldn't be ignored while under stress. I'm learning to be gentle with myself again. Push for the goals, yet take breaks. Balance, grasshopper, balance.
And I've decided that I need to make time for more creative stuff again during this break. My muse is sulking in the corner of my head lately for presenting all of these fantastic ideas for garb and dancing, yet getting pushed aside for one last pile of schoolwork. It's frustrating, because I'm usually the most creative and motivated to do creative stuff when I'm stressed out about how much work I need to get done. Productive procrastination? Ugh, not helping on either as I don't have time to finish the creative stuff until the school is over. And don't talk to me about wanting to hit the pell. I was doing really well with getting out the the pell a few times per week until the time changed and messed with my sunshine hours..
So yes, always looking for one more challenge, one more beautiful project, one more moment of grace.
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