Last class = painfully long

Evidence is just going on forever. I'm not participating in this review thing going on because it usually means that I get more confused by student questions. But I wanted to come and get the past bit of lecture before review. And everyone has some form of question. Ugh.

Yes, I'm bitching. I'm really looking forward to the Cosmo waiting at home. And getting rid of the last of the headache I have from greek jello wrestling with MySpace over blogs all night. I'd love to be a debugger for them. It would be such job security. But it's fun to talk to folks, so I'll go back. I find it more satisfying than Tribe thus far.

Almost done. I need to go home and fish out the gold lion applique I'm workng on. I need to recreate the pattern for the lions for an uber spiffy greek tunic I'm working on... Such fun to make pretty things again. I was rather uninspired for a few months there, and now I'm just itching to put it into fabric. For some reason I'm still on the garanimals lately, so stay tuned for pictures. I'll see if I can post the lion one I have partially finished later. I like it's simplicity.

Gooood night!

Better now

happier days
Yup, much happier today. I've stopped stressing myself out. And yes, I'm going to Estrella. Thank you to everyone who threatened to tie me to thier bumper to get me there, greatly appreciated! I will be there and I will be fighting and I will bring out Party Sammy for the evenings. In fact, we may have to have the pimp coat party with all the fantastic new coats I'm making for the ladies who rate them. Much sexy fuzzy warmth all around!

As for school, tonight is the last night of classes, wheeee! I get my take home exam tonight and start 2 weeks of pain and suffering and then I'm all better. Things should go fine. I spent quality time with Evidence last night and feel a bit better about that exam. And Admin law is open book. All I need to do there is create somethign organized to refer to and read through it a few million times.

So, it occurred to me as Janis Joplin and I were rollicking through traffic tonight (why is it that "holiday time" traffic is so much shittier than normal traffic?), that I'm almost done with the semester! I don't have to deal with the cocky Evidence professor again! No more leaving work to run to class and back! And I did enjoy my Land Use class, but I'm getting tired. Can't wait to get out, can't wait to figure out where the hell I want to live, can't wait to be a normal working schmoe again! And it was awfully nice for me to take last summer off and remember what real people live like. So yeah, I'm hoping to survive my last year with a relative lack of scars and much more success.

Almost there, folks, almost there.

And While I'm getting myself worked up, let's do the Math:

China program - $4,500
Expenses for the month I'm gone - $1,600
Bar/Bri - $2,900
Bar exam - $529
Laptop fee - $119
Moral character app - $431
MPRE - $55

So far that's $10,134

2 months of free time to study - $3500

Total of $13,634

Split by 13 months = $1,048.76 per month to come up with, assuming I take the exam in February 2008 and don't find diddley in money that entire month.

*headdesk*

There should be a vaccine

Ok, someone just shoot me. Right when my universe is stressful enough, I decide to freak out about the Bar exam. There must be something in the air. Or something catching, like a virus, thrown off by the students graduating this month and this summer. Sure, I have a whole year to go, 14 months until the Bar exam itself. But that doesn't seem terribly far to me. And I still don't know if I should be paying $3,000 for a Bar/Bri course or not. I am currently, I just have no idea if I'll be able to do it or not. I'd like to think I can work at least part time before the Bar - partially to get my obsessive ass out of the house and partially for the mental break of doing something else. But then I keep reading about people putting their universe on hold to study for 2 months beforehand. Ugh!

And all this is amusing. So much so, I should go tell my boyfriend... Oh wait.

Ack. Not that that wasn't a good choice either, but I do get a lot out of the simple concept of another human being marginally interested in my well being. It's not something I get from my family, all those damn Aquarians and Cancers. More hard shells than a July weekend at a crab shack! But I'm learning to figure it out with friends too. Just not quite the same thing.

So time for a reality check for my brain. I'll head home tonight after the gym, pull out all of the evidence info and get cracking on what really matters at this very moment. It's my first exam and the only one that requires memorization.

And try to turn off my damn brain, soothe the scaly lizard brain in panic mode and chill the hell out. And try not to stay up sewing tonight in sheer panic of "must make money for China and for two months of expenses so I can study for the Bar exam" mode. Yeah. I'll be fine, but I might wear myself out in the process. No wonder the Muppet Christmas movie sounded so appealing when I went to Columbia House last week.

Good news, have to post something good...

And just in case you're wondering, I'm up over $300 for the month, and may get as high as $500 in savings this month. Whew!

Survival responses

Oh hooray! More stress. So whatever dingbat scientist coined the phrase "stress is a survival response" is literally killiing me. As things heat up over here and my life gets ever more interesting, I'd just like to say that stress sucks. I got floored due to an allergic reaction to my cold meds yesterday, and today is shaping up just a nicely. Luckily, all that forced sleep seems to have killed whatever cold I had yesterday. But I'm still stressed out.

It's bad when I look at studying as a relaxing activity. Not that I can focus on the actual studying. But I'm damn well going to try. Ugh.

Puffer face

Life is just freaking grand when my cold medication makes my face itch. And my eyes are starting to puff. Oh joy, oh rapture. This is what they call a systemic allergic response. I can calmly say that now that I've been through dozens of these.

I'll be home sleeping off the huge dose of Benadryl I'm about to take to keep this from getting really bad. Cheerio folks!

Long weekend, oh hooray

Well, I survived part one of the holiday season. Mostly. Came out the other side rather beaten up, but I'm still going. I think I have a cold. I'm hoping the flu doesn't arise from it. I've been sniffling with abandon all weekend, and silly me, I keep thinking it's got to be allergies. but I'm still sniffling here at work this morning, so must be something more. I'm not allergic to anything at work.

Holidays are just not my favorite times, and yet I really do try to enjoy things. I try not to have great expectations for them anymore - too many years of disappointments. But I'm determined to have some form of holiday cheer, so I put up my Xmas tree after thanksgiving, and watched White Christmas. Eh. Still not there. Sniffling isn't helping. But went to a lovely holiday party on Friday and had a good time just hanging out with everyone.

At least we went shooting yesterday. Life is always a bit better when I prove yet again that I can still effectively hit a grapefruit at 10 yards. Go me.

Happy Monday folks, hope you're feeling better than I am.

No wonder there's a ton of October babies...

http://ask.yahoo.com/20061114.html

We're awash in Libras, thanks to New Years Eve.

It's beginning to look a lot like.....

Yeah, Xmas. I have a love-hate relationship with Christmas. I love the atmosphere, the shopping, the wrapping presents, eggnog, Christmas trees, children all in anticipation, the Christmas specials. But I despise the sanctimonious religious preaching about how wonderful we should all be to each other while we're gorging ourselves on the materialistic stuff. The trying too hard to make everything perfect. And now we get two months of it since they start putting everything out after Halloween. Oh hooray...

But I will indulge and make presents for others and do the shopping. I just wish there was more of the fun, social stuff. Back east, we went caroling and to various holiday performances a lot. Out here I'm supplementing my holiday with Disney - I can get a full holiday dose of good cheer in one day of roaming around that place. But still not the same as having folks over for tree trimming while it snows like hell outside. Eh, nostalgia. Gets me every time. So I went and bought Bing Corsby's White Christmas. It's by far my favorite Christmas movie ever. Good pat on the back for our troops, really sweet musical numbers, the tomfoolery of old time movie plots, and just a fun little production. Nothing too fancy, but it's fulfilling like homemade chicken soup is.

Sometimes things just get into perspective

Folks, a dear friend has reminded me that life is just too damn precious.

His aunt is very sick, and hearing about his attempts to help his aunt and uncle cope are just ridiculously inspiring. I give him such credit, as his love and concern are only expanded in the face of a terrible situation. He's not doing anything unique - a homecooked meal, driving relatives around - it's just what's necessary.

But he's doing it with a smile, as much good humor as he can muster, and just simple love. He's my friend, I'm proud to say. And he gets it, this whole life thing. It's hard, it's crazy. But when you get down to the basics, all that matters is doing the right thing and remembering the people you care about.

So hey, my friend, know that I care and my thoughts are with your family.

Weekend

Wow, I'm back at work and I don't feel like I ever left. I know I got sleep and lots of stuff done this weekend, but I don't feel like it. At least my car maintenance is almost done, and there's more money in my savings account...

Party yesterday was lovely - C did a fantastic job on food and decor, everyone seemed to have a great time. We all ate way too much, there was just so much food to choose from. Good times.

Now I'm off to actually get the stuff done tonight that I just didn't get done this weekend. I don't mind taking a weekend off since I'm so far ahead, but it would have been nice to get a few more things done.

Love...

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-19940301-000021.xml&print=1

fascinating crap..

Unintentionally Funny Albums of 2006

http://www.cracked.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=1285

Good bit of amusement, that...

Happiness, and how it works...

http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/conditions/11/10/happiness.overview/index.html

Hmm, I'm not sure if this is good news or not. But apparently is pretty much only about our close relationships with our family and friends. That's it once you have the basics to live and make $50,000 per year. And most things that make us happy are fleeting. Interesting stuff. It's making me ponder.

Rain and Running Away

http://www.weather.com/activities/homeandgarden/schoolday/fun/rain.html

Sometimes you just need a little fun... (stolen from my Burning Man list)

Went to the gym, and got on the treadmill. It's been a hectic, tiring, crazy few days. Hit my normal buttons and jumped into my stride. It was like coming home. Sometimes when you run, you hit that glorious high where breathing is easy, the muscles are eager, and your feet grab up ground like a Japanese hot dog eating champion. I hit it today, and it was glorious. Listening to Eurythmics on the MP3 player, and Annie Lennox had the voice of a goddess. We glided through a 10 minute mile together (yes, I'm slow). It was just what I needed. Maybe I'll actually get some sleep tonight.

Big Fat Pile of Fun

So, I created my schedule for next semester. Unfortuantely I can't take classes during the day anymore, so it's back to 4 night of fun per week, woohoo!

So Mondays and Wednesdays I'll be at school ntil 9:30. Not too bad. At least it's not until 10pm like it is now. And I still have Friday nights off. But I liked having 2 nights per week off of school. It was much easier to get homework done this semester, andstill have a smidgen of time to study and clean house.

Now to get the cash for books and tuition. Oh yay, is it graduation yet?

Khazak goodness!

This weekend, my honey and I went through some of the Balboa Park museums. This was especially cool because he remembered that I said I'd wanted to see the Khazak Nomad exhibit at the Mingei Museum. I completely forgot about it, but he in all his considerateness, remembered it. Yay!

And it was very cool! Limited number of items, but a decent array of textile arts and metalwork. There was also a verrrry cool reproduction of horse barding, complete with 3' horns on the bridle. Made the horse essentially look 8' tall! Very fierce, I can see why the Romans wet their pants when they saw that charging at them! I got the exhibit book, especially once I found it in softcover for $25. Lots of good basic pictures and motifs. I wish they had had a closeup of the tail cover on the horse barding. It had a really cool bit of leather applique on it that I wouldn't mind reproducing. Maybe I'll go back with a camera this time!

Oh yeah, that event thing...

Nope, didn't go to QC this weekend. Part of that whole "too much crap to get done while still catching up on sleep thing". Silly me.

I'll go to something at some point. Maybe Yule. Yule is nice.

Pimp Coats!

And for all of you who said you wanted pimp coats for Estrella, now is the time!

Boy, do I have fabric! I even have a few already cut out. Speak up if you want one.

Stuff to get done

Hmm, well, as usual, I have a good sized to do list, and I have parts of it started. But what I need to do is get things done and off the list. So, I'm starting to set goals for each week to work on. Once they're done, they're off the list. Once the list is done, I'll add more goals onto a new one. Not the best system, but I tend to flit between projects at times, and nothing is truly done until much later than I'd like.

So this week we'll start the process with the last of my homework for the semester and the sewing I most need to get off my list. It's tempting to add the easy projects first, just to mark them off. But I need to tackle some of the big, ugly monsters before they create too many late night headaches!

So, Happy Monday! I'm off to get 'er done!

A Man of the World

Tom Abercrombie was a writer and photographer for National Geographic. And what a guy he was! I grew up reading National Geo, it's always been one of my favorite magazines for the supurb quality of the articles and photos and the sheer depth of the coverage in articles. More often than not I find myself researching based off one of their articles, and Tom was one of the reasons I did so.

I didn't know it until I read his obituary in the August issue, but his stories have inspired me, touched me, and given me purpose in looking into topics I'm interested in. He embodied some of the qualities I value highly, such as creativity, knowing languages, travel, going native, exploitation of one's own talents, and listening. I was glad to read that someone whose work I've admired over the years was a person to admire in and of himself.

Even more inspiring to me was the fact that he had left friends behind from all over the world. People from many cultures and countries remembered Tom, and the other writers from National Geo seem to find his friends in many places. We have a tendency in this country to be comfortable in our places and routines, avoiding our neighbors and looking down on others in their lesser state. We can comfortably go out for Thai food, yet not ever want to go to Thailand, much less learn the language and meld with the locals for a short period of time. We're happy to let folks live in neighborhoods divided by language and cultural differences, yet we tout our "American melting pot". There are lots of reasons for this, yet the differences are what make us rich.

So yeah, reading about someone who made it outside those boundaries, developed any skill he felt he needed, and was comfortable with people despite their differences is an inspiration to me. Tom, rest in peace. You truly lived!

Pointy End of the Spear

And another gem from the LandAm newsletter - these guys are good!

I would argue that the toughest job in all the Marine Corps is that of an infantry squad leader in combat. The mission of a Marine rifle squad is to locate, close with, and destroy the enemy by fire and maneuver, or repel the enemy's assault by fire and close-combat. The squad leader is responsible for the lives and performance of three four-man fire-teams. These Marines are the proverbial "pointy end of the spear" that routinely gets up close and personal with the enemy. Strip away all the politics, peel back all the strategic plans, get beneath campaign and operational planning, and what you have left, in its purest form, is foreign policy balanced on the shoulders of a squad leader in his early-twenties who is leading twelve other warriors even younger than him.
Matthew Dodd

Coffee v. Cup

Yes, I'm stealing everything from the Company Newsletter today. There are some real gems:

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. The conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and in life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups – porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite – telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the alumni had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:

"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it's normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, this may be the source of your problems and stress.

"What you all really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were sizing up each other's.

"Now consider this: Life is the coffee. Jobs, money, and position in society are the cups. They are the tools that hold and contain life. They do not change the quality of life. Don't let the cup dictate how the coffee is going to taste."

Darn good idea..

This year, officials from the Department of Veterans Affairs are encouraging all former service members to wear their medals on Saturday as a show of pride and patriotism.

"You don't have to put them on only if you're in a parade," said VA Secretary Jim Nicholson. Wear them to work, play golf, or even go to the store. "Let America know that you took that oath and served."

The idea is based on celebrations in countries such as Australia, where veterans and their family members routinely display their medals on national holidays.

Privacy, it's a lovely illusion....

So perhaps you think I'm nutso for posting my personal views on a public blog. Perhaps you don't give a flying rats butt, and strangely find yourself back at my site anyhow. Either way, I find it funny when folks squack about how much I'm willing to post. Here's the thing: I'd say it to you in person, why not record it for my future embarrassment/amusement/entertainment?

See, the point of journaling (to me) is to record your thoughts for future reflection. Or to make them permanent in some fashion. Or to just get crap out that needs to be hashed. Rarely do I delete, remove, or otherwise pull things from the public forum. Simply put, I am who I am, and I'm not big on excuses or shirking from what I think. I'm happy to jump on the "dammit I live in America, and I like the implication that I have some form of Free Speech" box. I apologize if I hurt or create a wrong, fix the really important ones if I can. But for the most part, you won't find me regretting or retracting much. It's really just not ok unless someone changes my mind. And even then, I'm more likely to post the thought process of changing my mind than retracting or removing my thought.

So the concept of "oh no! Someone might read this!" is terribly funny to me. I can't help but smirk and think "duh" when folks freak out about someone reading their blog. Dumbass, if you were worried about privacy, why were you posting publicly? Or online at all? They make lovely blank books for people like you, go buy one. For the rest of us who are into exchanging ideas, discussing the universe, and hearing about the next random thing on the Internet - Rock on, my friends! I may not agree with you, I reserve the right to make my own judgments about your views, but I'll back up your right to post crap until your fingers bleed. Unless it's against the law, and then I'll refer you to one of my high priced friends to go argue your case for you.

Freedom to think is my personal soapbox - you have a right to your own personal thoughts on a matter. I reserve my right to disagree, but I'm more likely to respect folks who actually have a view they've thought about rather than just parroting whatever crap comes along. But if you like parroting crap and accept it's limitations, you go Sparky! Just don't pretend it's not public when you post online. Intelligence and forethought - rare virtues...

Teflon Name Calling crap

Got a call last week from a friend who just wanted some reassurance about gossip and being called nasty names. She was apparently upset about what specific people were saying about her in a part of her life, and took offense to it. Nothing wrong with any of that on the surface, but it was keeping her from doing important things, like her job, effectively. So my question to her was “why would you let that affect you?” Now, I know it’s hard when people are saying anything nasty about you. I have been called a number of names in the past, and I’m sure there is more of this to come in the future. Folks hate to be called nasty things, and for good reason. It hurts to be referred to in the negative, but then you could have the rhinoceros skin I’ve got.

See, I grew up with a good amount of crap being thrown my way from lots of directions. On the surface, nothing bad really. But emotionally, like many folks, I had a really hard time. I took everything personally, made everything my business, took myself way too seriously, and basically made a nuisance of myself. I was so busy trying to be fantastic that I got in the way of my own strengths. Then I broke. Cracked in half one day, as I contemplated my future. I didn’t see any future for myself because I had bound myself so tightly around my ideals and what was “supposed” to happen. And the wrong things had happened. I just cared wayyyy to damned much about crap I had absolutely no control over. Things were basically crumbling around me. And I was neglecting myself and the stuff I really did have control over. I was chunky, annoying, and had issues finishing anything. Not a good combo. I didn’t like me either.

But I broke. I had 2 choices at that point – stay as I was and continue trying to make something work that obviously wasn’t working or change and make something entirely new from what was left of me. I forced myself to try new things, stop some of the old bad habits, change where I saw myself in the future, got some more challenging goals. In the process, I had a lot of crap to clean out. So I did. Years of cleaning and working later, and I feel a hell of a lot better, stronger, faster. Yep, I am the $2,000 woman. Budget high tech, you know.

But I’ve noticed a lovely effect lately. I’m Teflon girl! Shit doesn’t stick anymore, and if it does, a quick hose down, and voila! I’m sexy again. Granted, a lot of that has more to do with my attitude than anyone else. I’m sure the gossip is out there, and people are talking crap. They just do. It’s a given – we’re cranky little monkeys. And I still get annoyed once in a while, mainly because it’s stupid. Or I’m stressed out – everything gets tougher when I’m stressed. But when I’m not, I’m Lake Placid, baby! You can waterski on my sparkling surface, wheeee! Bring on the crap, I can take just about anything.

So here are some of my favorite names I’ve been called and why they’re amusing – enjoy!

Slut/Whore – c’mon folks, this one’s just amusing. It was apparently the most popular when I wasn’t getting any for months on end. Major dry spell. That was the kicker there…Funny, eh? And even when things are better, my life just isn’t centered around that. Besides, this takes time – have you ever noticed? Time and effort. Neither of which I have an abundance. And I’m too terrified of catching something nasty and becoming a statistic. Eh, have fun with that one.

Traitor – wait a minute, don’t I have to join, swear to, have allegiance to something in order to betray it? Last I checked, I only had those things to the people I love, and even then, I don’t demand such extremes from them. So check my file, but I haven’t signed anything permanent. Gauntlet might be different – that’s something you earn in blood. Feds were different too – big scary piles of paperwork and oaths. But neither of those groups of folks were the ones saying this. And I haven’t run the Gauntlet, nor am I with the Feds anymore. Hmm… I mean, I suppose this could apply? I’m sure there’s something terrible there I’ve done at some point in my life to someone I was supposed to have some duty towards. Maybe? Digging deep here. Not coming up with any good reasons this one cropped up. Whatever.

Bitch – my mother is not a dog. You really don’t want to go there. However, our collective know it all, annoying as hell attitudes, and big mouths would lend themselves to be considered bitchy by those with lesser self confidence. Family trait I think. I’ll take this one. Bring it.

Gold digger – Wow. Have you seen my bank account lately? How about my records of what was spent on whom? I tended to spend myself into oblivion in spoiling others in the past. If this were true, I’d probably have a lot more to show for it. I’m just sayin’. But you can use it. It’s funny when I’m a really terrible gold digger…

Crown chaser – Hahahahahahahaha, ahem. Wow, I must be shitty at that too. No tin hat here. No prospect of one that I know of. Oh hell, that would require me to go to court and stuff. While I would do it if a friend had an itch to do it, that’s pretty much the only way. And it would have to be a really good friend and a really major itch. The thought gives me hives at times… Isn’t there something more career oriented I should be doing than chasing men with imaginary royal titles so I can sleep with them in the chance that they’ll give me an imaginary royal title? I mean, really… And I have a man. He’s quite the man, without the shiny bits. I think I’ll take this one too, it’s a great laugh.

Thief – yeah, this was a good one. Especially since the party passing it around had actually taken money and valued things from me. Sure, I’ve stolen something in my lifetime. You can slap this one on there too. I’m no angel, except for when I lived in Angels. That was fun. But no hurty McHurty here. Funny how the things most true about others are what they label you. Gossip tip there. Run with it if you're feeling snarky.

Yup, Teflon I tell you. And these are just the actual label ones. I’m sure there are more, but these are the ones that were spread enough for them to come back around to me. Maybe I should run for an office or something so I can hear the really cool ones. That’s always fun!

Big difference

Wow! Huge difference between this week and last week. Apparently I needed that break from this reality for a bit.

Went home last night and did laundry and homework for 5 hours. Didn't get as much done as I would like, but I think I got all of my homework done for the week, which means anything else I get done is a bonus! And I cleaned house, have clean clothes, and have another pending project to work on.

But what a difference a few days off made. I slept wonderfully this last two nights, got to the gym today, even lost a few pounds in the process. Amazing what a break will do for you, eh?

And I was even able to figure out most of the Xmas gifts for the few folks I need to get stuff for. It's going to be a low budget year, but I think everyone understands. But I'm not sweating it.

Next up is to line up my projects, set goals for getting one or two done per week, and laying out the finals study timing. Flash cards start this weekend for Evidence. Should be entertaining. And I think my budget is on track as well. Pretty cool, actually. Nice to feel on track and relaxed for once.

Can't remember if I posted this one or not. But I like it...

“Most of these courses (get rich quick schemes) are so seductive, Farrell says, because they operate according to a tried-and-true principle of behavioral psychology called the variable ratio reinforcement schedule. Basically, people (and rats) will persist in doing something, even with little or no return, if they are given the tiniest bit of hope of a coming reward.”

Wow. I read that and suddenly so many things became clear about people. It pretty much sums up some people’s existence. They’ll hold onto some situation way beyond its usefulness in the dream of some higher reward. Wow. And the seduction factor is huge! I know a few people who have gotten sucked into the get rich quick, self-help, take a course and your life will change pattern. I watched a friend deep six his marriage because of his desire to just keep trying these things until he basically bankrupted himself on the rocks of self help gurus. He so wanted to find a fast way to make their financial situation better, that he ruined it on a more immediate time scale. Not much help, eh? You end up spending huge amounts of money and pretty much just get the satisfaction of saying you took all these courses. That and $3 will get you a cup of overpriced coffee!

And really, at the end of the day, that’s all any of this is. The satisfaction of living life as it is. Souvenirs, pictures, diplomas, degrees are only as good as what we do with them, or to remind us of the experience. Any of the material stuff, including the health of your body, can get sucked away in an instant. Placing your value on whether you achieve some lofty goal is only partially the picture. If you don’t enjoy the process of getting what you’re aiming for, was it really worth getting in the first place? Because really, all there is is this minute in time. You can’t count on there being too many more. Heck, I work in a high rise in earthquake country. While they say I’m pretty damn safe up here, I still believe that if a huge earthquake comes along, I’ll come a tumbling down just like everyone else.

Now, I believe in achieving goals and such as much as anyone else. But there’s a part of me that remembers kissing my grandmothers for the last time and the experience of gasping for air on a hospital gurney. In those moments, money and status didn’t matter. I couldn’t tell you what I was wearing or what car I was driving at the time. All that mattered was a chance to share experiences with the people I love and be an amusing footnote in a number of people’s lives. My memories are more important, and I can create more through getting out and trying stuff. What I’ve discovered lately is that it’s a matter of perspective. Sure, you can want things and try to get people to do things. There will be conflicts and hard stuff to deal with. But are you prolonging the pain and suffering by insisting on a certain goal while losing the enjoyment of living right now, is it worth it? Are you tormenting the people who care about you just to increase your perceived status in the world? Do you drive people away with your singular insistence that they conform to your world? Are you insisting on continuing one hobby or scheme or principle to the extent that you don't even know who you are or who you should be?

Some things, like dieting to improve your health, might be worth the bit of suffering to improve your quality of life and health. And there are ways to enjoy the experience, even while going through the hard parts. It’s all about paying attention. And getting reality checks on a regular basis…not just your reality, but everyone’s reality. The sky’s blue out there, open up and take a look.

An excellent reminder...

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

~Theodore Roosevelt

National Do Not Call list

Just a reminder that this exists. I need to go add my parent's new cell number to the list:

You can add your number by calling toll free,
1-888-382-1222 from the telephone number you wish to register or by visiting www.donotcall.gov

Oh.My.God.

http://arts.monstersandcritics.com/reviews/article_1217548.php/Evil_Dead_The_Musical_Reviewed

Just read it. It's priceless. I think I need to see it.

Neat employment website

Gives 10 year projections for various occupations.

http://www.projectionscentral.com/projections.asp?

More on being a Super Villian..

Chapter 1 - Henchmen
"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man" - Jack Handey

Your first task is to assemble an entourage of brainless thugs. Thugs will be a major part of your plans, as you don't want to be tackling any heroes first off. You will need some excessive drawn-out violence to soften them up first. Wave after wave of expendable, drivelling idiots are obviously critical to this. Finding buffoons of a low enough calibre is always a problem, but if you follow the tried and tested checklist below, you can't go wrong.

Things to remember when picking your henchmen:

Intelligence
First you will need to give them an IQ test. If they score any higher than 60, ditch them. If your henchmen have a mental capacity greater than a squirrel, they may realise that the odds are stacked against them when faced with a man who has just killed 30 other henchmen with his bare hands, and turn on you.

Moral status
It is vitally important that your thugs have no moral status whatsoever. Test this by running over a small furry animal in front of them. If they react, they're out. If faced with a tough dilemma, these thugs may have the audacity to help the under-dog or save the kid. This is clearly unacceptable.

Attraction
It's important to make sure that your henchmen are castrated as soon as they are initiated. If they fall for the girl, you'll be in a whole heap of trouble. If they don't have to think about sex, their mind will be on violence, 100%. Because they have had their testicles removed, their testosterone levels will drop. Inject them regularly to avoid disappointment.

Love of mindless violence with no regard for personal safety

Henchmen need to be able to react to any situation. With violence. This is good for two reasons:

1. Thugs should always resort to killing the person who is mucking about with your plans.
2. In a heated melee, you should be able to escape un-scathed, leaving your henchmen to fight on regardless. If they are obsessed with their own safety, they'll be running too, leaving nobody to distract your attacker.

Lack of imagination

If your henchmen have imagination, they may try to think for themselves instead of following your orders. You do not pay these people to think. You are the evil genius, so you do all the thinking. Ask them what they think it would be like to fall off a cliff and hit nasty rocks. If they can't come up with an answer, they're in. (You will also know that they won't be afraid to fight around dangerous machinery, shark infested waters etc, as they are too stupid to imagine danger…)

Counting
It's important for your business that henchmen cannot count for two reasons:

1. Large numbers of armed guards should not intimidate your brutish entourage. If they don't know the odds, they won't care.
2. You can pay them less.

Wild fire

All thugs need the ability to spread hundreds of bullets in all directions. With their level of intelligence, you wouldn't expect them to be able to hit a dead elephant at point-blank range. (If they can shoot straight, and have passed the other tests, they are a rare find indeed.) For this reason, you need to make sure that they can hold down the trigger of a machine gun until they run out of bullets. Extra ammo isn't usually a problem, as they would either have been killed, or killed the enemy after the first salvo. Experiment with sticky tape behind the trigger, or pick thugs with arthritis in their fingers. The next thing to remember is that they will need to produce stupidly wide arcs of fire. Make them practise this random flailing on a plastic sheet smeared with butter.

The ability to drive badly
All henchmen need this skill in order to drive madly through a town square attracting the attention of police cars. Once they have crashed and exploded, the hero may be caught and slowed down by random policemen.

The boss is always right
If your henchmen ever question your insane logic, or even your apparently senseless outbursts, you should kill them straight away. That way, you'll always be able to gloat, laugh, scream or kill without ridiculous enquiries. NB: Questions detract from wide-eyed guffawing, don't let it happen!

Appreciation
Remember that your henchmen need your love and appreciation, or they will not feel valued as an employee. You can show your appreciation by not beating them every day.
You can let them pull the secret lever once in a while. Exactly what effect this will have will differ depending on your super-secret base of operations.
The last thing that you can do to show your appreciation of good thuggery is to promote a henchmen to the status of evil assistant. You should kill this person for failure every now and again so that your other employees get a chance to progress. The "dead man's shoes" ethos is very appropriate here.


Chapter 2 - Evil lair - part A

Your evil lair is very important. If you are merely squatting in a back alley, you will not be very credible as an evil genius. You need to have an impenetrable lair of doom. Your enemies need to be filled with a certain level of angst before entering. Take Dracula for example. No hero ever entered his castle thinking it would be as simple as stake-and-go. In order to make it as inhospitable as possible, follow these simple guidelines:

Location
Pick the location of your staging grounds with care. If you set up in the middle of town, you may find that you get untimely visits from health inspectors, or occasionally from the RSPCA if you are working on genetically enhanced animals. A barren wasteland, a hidden nuclear bunker, or an abandoned castle on a rock in an obscure European location, are ideal. NB on castles: Avoid properties owned by the English Heritage. Guided tours are a nuisance.

Lighting
Lighting is important. Your guests or invaders need to be walking into a foreboding environment. You can achieve this with dribbly candles and wall torches. Alternatively, you can confuse them horribly with disco lighting, strobe effects and smoke machines. Which ever you choose, make sure that you apply some thought, your unwitting victims will appreciate it.

Traps
Traps are crucially important. A devious super-villain will always have need for traps. Your traps will also need to come in layers for maximum effect.

Layer 1 needs to be reasonably challenging. Giant rolling balls, poison darts fired from the walls and falling weights are important parts of this layer. They will weed out the chaff and save you from having to re-arm the particularly fiendish traps.

Layer 2 traps need to be ridiculously easy to work around. They will constitute mantraps, slippery floors, lots of winding staircases and pools of rather hot oil. These traps are merely there to give the clever heroes a false sense of security and leave them un-prepared for the next level.

Layer 3 is the epitome of intellectual deviousness. Huge spinning blades of death. Lots of them. Exploding pigs and laser guided halibut flying from the walls. These are the pearls of irrefutable insanity. More fiendish than a fiendish thing in the middle of fiendish season, your level three traps should be clever and random enough to wipe out an army of Oxford graduates.

NB: Don't waste your expendable thugs on testing traps. They usually can't work out how to use the toilet without peeing on their own shoes, let alone work out elaborate traps…


Chapter 2 - Evil lair - part B

Elaborate execution area
This is the crowning glory for any evil super-villain. Painfully slow moving lasers and tanks full of sharks are a favourite. Be as inventive as possible with your execution area. You will want to savour the moment as you laugh maniacally in front of the world summit after killing their best agent. It is usually a good idea to install a lever or big red button that activates a nasty device such as a falling weight. That way, you can let your henchmen take it in turns to execute people.

Pointless untidy looking barrels
These are not the most obvious of furnishings, but are as important as the badly strung chandelier. You can fill these barrels with all manner of chemical death. Highly flammable chemicals are a favourite, as are oozing nuclear waste. They have two functions.

1 They provide obvious cover for budding spies and soldiers hell-bent on stopping you. They will realise all too late, with the random spray of bullets from your brainless thugs, that barrels are the last place to hide.
2 They look nice at dinner parties when covered with a frilly tablecloth. (You must be cultured as well as having an insatiable lust for power and destruction….)

Hidden escape facility
This speaks for itself. Without a hidden escape facility, you may as well give yourself up to the UN peacekeepers straight away. You could use a jet propelled escape pod, a large trampoline and parachute, or even a particularly fast dolphin if you've chosen an underwater base.

Weapon store
Weapons! Lots of them. Find the biggest baddest weapons you can get and make sure that every henchman has the keys to the store. Flame throwers are a must, but the real cherry on the cake is a chain fed machine gun mounted on the back of a JCB, or alternatively a bear.

Ominous hidden orchestra
This adds real character to your lair. The invaders who try to take your base will not only have to deal with henchmen and traps, but the incessant hum of a cello and the odd sporadic burst of violins in an ear piercing crescendo as a thug turns the corner firing wildly. NB: make sure that your thugs are equipped with earmuffs. This has the added bonus of making any would-be hero laugh instead of fire.

Insignia
An evil emblem is great when it comes to tying all of your efforts together. This is most important to your base of operations. Without the evil insignia, other super-villains could rip-off your ideas. I have found that it's often a good idea to patent some of your more fiendish traps. You can leave your emblem at random intervals, so that everyone knows the carnage was instigated by you. It's the little touches that count.

Choices

Had a conversation about possibilities and the future last night. Nothing specific to me, I was helping someone else clear out their head a bit, but it got me thinking about the choices I make and how it affects where I am and where I'm going.

Bear in mind, that I had a period of my life to kick at all these things in my head. I went to Tony Robbins seminars about how to make the life of your dreams, visualizing goals, yadda yadda. Lots of self help books. I learned about having the courage to say something isn't right in getting a divorce, and boy, there's nothng more scary than saying something like that isn't right. I still feel I made the right choice, but whew! It's tough! And I went through the therapy to be ok with it. Yes, it takes therapy in my opinion. If you can't clean out your own head on this stuff, you have to learn to live with carrying around that baggage. And dumping it on everyone around you. No thanks, I'll take the brainwash option, Bob...

But yeah, what it all came down to in my universe is basically this. Who and what do I want in my life, and what does it take to make that possible? I knew I wanted a better job than the ones I've been getting, so I figured out that law was a good place for me. Here I am. I figured out that I needed to live somewhere more worldly and diverse than Western NY. Here I am, with a bit of meandering. I figured out that I need creative crap in my life - hence dancing, sewing, SCA, music, etc. There it is.

But beyond that, I dunno. I think I want kids, but you give up a lot in having them. You gain a lot too. And who do I need to decide to be with to make that happen? But a lot depends on where I end up after school. I hate the thought that "things will work themselves out". That's kinda scary, since the last time I let that happen, I ended up married to a nice guy, but we made each other miserable. Eh, who knows? Job might define a lot of this, but not being sure about what kind of job I want is making this a bit unfocused. As for relationships, I've got the skills to be happy with someone. Relationships are a skill - don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It takes skill to ignore the things that annoy you, to gently bring up things that need to be discussed, to keep things going, to mesh with someone else's life, to define what you need. It's never easy, you make mistakes. There's not happily ever after - it's a kind of career thing. You have to choose to be with someone over being alone. Once I lost that princess "take care of me" mentality, everything got a lot easier. And real. You don't make each other happy, you "find" your happy in the relationship. Big difference in expectations there. If you're both not getting what you want, it ain't gonna work.

And I guess I'm just not really interested in mediocre. I don't want to have the "go to work, come home, watch tv, go to bed" routine that seems to be everyone's life. Sure, we all do that to some extent, but it just isn't satisfying to me on a constant basis. Some routine is ok, but I can't even manage to watch the same tv show two weeks in a row unless I'm really dilligent. Just not my thing. So we'll see. I'm not sure, I'm kind of in a holding pattern until school and the bar is over. But I hate holding patterns too. What's the point unless you're enjoying the journey, eh?

Wow... that was all rather deep. Perhaps I should watch more South Park and Drawn Together. Off to drink with my family all weekend. Dammit, why did the airlines stop letting you take liquids on the plane? Red eyes were so much more satisfying when you could start the morning with a bloody mary. Remind me to beat up a terrorist.

San Diego Thrift Stores..

http://www.bargainlink.com/thrift-stores.htm#EastCounty

I love places that compile info...

Spider cake!

Well, I wrote a long blog about my people radar. But Blogger ate it. Ah well, I guess the world will have to wait on my revelations on such things a bit longer.

Instead, I have spider cake! Actually it's cake shaped like a spider. My partner in work and I have decideed that the black frosting is a bit disturbing. But it's tasty, and continues the sugar high from yesterday quite nicely.

Now, to figure out what that rather vivid dream was about last night......