Teflon Name Calling crap

Got a call last week from a friend who just wanted some reassurance about gossip and being called nasty names. She was apparently upset about what specific people were saying about her in a part of her life, and took offense to it. Nothing wrong with any of that on the surface, but it was keeping her from doing important things, like her job, effectively. So my question to her was “why would you let that affect you?” Now, I know it’s hard when people are saying anything nasty about you. I have been called a number of names in the past, and I’m sure there is more of this to come in the future. Folks hate to be called nasty things, and for good reason. It hurts to be referred to in the negative, but then you could have the rhinoceros skin I’ve got.

See, I grew up with a good amount of crap being thrown my way from lots of directions. On the surface, nothing bad really. But emotionally, like many folks, I had a really hard time. I took everything personally, made everything my business, took myself way too seriously, and basically made a nuisance of myself. I was so busy trying to be fantastic that I got in the way of my own strengths. Then I broke. Cracked in half one day, as I contemplated my future. I didn’t see any future for myself because I had bound myself so tightly around my ideals and what was “supposed” to happen. And the wrong things had happened. I just cared wayyyy to damned much about crap I had absolutely no control over. Things were basically crumbling around me. And I was neglecting myself and the stuff I really did have control over. I was chunky, annoying, and had issues finishing anything. Not a good combo. I didn’t like me either.

But I broke. I had 2 choices at that point – stay as I was and continue trying to make something work that obviously wasn’t working or change and make something entirely new from what was left of me. I forced myself to try new things, stop some of the old bad habits, change where I saw myself in the future, got some more challenging goals. In the process, I had a lot of crap to clean out. So I did. Years of cleaning and working later, and I feel a hell of a lot better, stronger, faster. Yep, I am the $2,000 woman. Budget high tech, you know.

But I’ve noticed a lovely effect lately. I’m Teflon girl! Shit doesn’t stick anymore, and if it does, a quick hose down, and voila! I’m sexy again. Granted, a lot of that has more to do with my attitude than anyone else. I’m sure the gossip is out there, and people are talking crap. They just do. It’s a given – we’re cranky little monkeys. And I still get annoyed once in a while, mainly because it’s stupid. Or I’m stressed out – everything gets tougher when I’m stressed. But when I’m not, I’m Lake Placid, baby! You can waterski on my sparkling surface, wheeee! Bring on the crap, I can take just about anything.

So here are some of my favorite names I’ve been called and why they’re amusing – enjoy!

Slut/Whore – c’mon folks, this one’s just amusing. It was apparently the most popular when I wasn’t getting any for months on end. Major dry spell. That was the kicker there…Funny, eh? And even when things are better, my life just isn’t centered around that. Besides, this takes time – have you ever noticed? Time and effort. Neither of which I have an abundance. And I’m too terrified of catching something nasty and becoming a statistic. Eh, have fun with that one.

Traitor – wait a minute, don’t I have to join, swear to, have allegiance to something in order to betray it? Last I checked, I only had those things to the people I love, and even then, I don’t demand such extremes from them. So check my file, but I haven’t signed anything permanent. Gauntlet might be different – that’s something you earn in blood. Feds were different too – big scary piles of paperwork and oaths. But neither of those groups of folks were the ones saying this. And I haven’t run the Gauntlet, nor am I with the Feds anymore. Hmm… I mean, I suppose this could apply? I’m sure there’s something terrible there I’ve done at some point in my life to someone I was supposed to have some duty towards. Maybe? Digging deep here. Not coming up with any good reasons this one cropped up. Whatever.

Bitch – my mother is not a dog. You really don’t want to go there. However, our collective know it all, annoying as hell attitudes, and big mouths would lend themselves to be considered bitchy by those with lesser self confidence. Family trait I think. I’ll take this one. Bring it.

Gold digger – Wow. Have you seen my bank account lately? How about my records of what was spent on whom? I tended to spend myself into oblivion in spoiling others in the past. If this were true, I’d probably have a lot more to show for it. I’m just sayin’. But you can use it. It’s funny when I’m a really terrible gold digger…

Crown chaser – Hahahahahahahaha, ahem. Wow, I must be shitty at that too. No tin hat here. No prospect of one that I know of. Oh hell, that would require me to go to court and stuff. While I would do it if a friend had an itch to do it, that’s pretty much the only way. And it would have to be a really good friend and a really major itch. The thought gives me hives at times… Isn’t there something more career oriented I should be doing than chasing men with imaginary royal titles so I can sleep with them in the chance that they’ll give me an imaginary royal title? I mean, really… And I have a man. He’s quite the man, without the shiny bits. I think I’ll take this one too, it’s a great laugh.

Thief – yeah, this was a good one. Especially since the party passing it around had actually taken money and valued things from me. Sure, I’ve stolen something in my lifetime. You can slap this one on there too. I’m no angel, except for when I lived in Angels. That was fun. But no hurty McHurty here. Funny how the things most true about others are what they label you. Gossip tip there. Run with it if you're feeling snarky.

Yup, Teflon I tell you. And these are just the actual label ones. I’m sure there are more, but these are the ones that were spread enough for them to come back around to me. Maybe I should run for an office or something so I can hear the really cool ones. That’s always fun!