Blah. Alright, I'll step back from DefCon 3...

So, yeah. I obsess at times. When faced with an issue in my life, self-created or dropped on me from above, I devote my mental energies to solving it. Along with my pocketbook. In this case, it's all about job hunting. I've been in school for 3 years now, slaving away at my degree, attempting to get decent grades, and paying all of my bills with a modicum of efficiency. I've split my obsessing for the past few years between these grades and keeping my overall cost of living upon graduation as low as possible. Faced with the pressure of an added $500 per month payment on your brains, you might consider the same plan of action. Add in that I was raised by an accountant/labor negotiator who was always at war and a bookeeper with OCD, and I'm surprised I'm not autistic....

But job hunting gives me hives. It feels like going to a high school dance and being that geeky girl who never gets asked to dance. Every recruiter who looks at my resume makes "wow" noises. I've done a LOT of different jobs in a lot of different industries. If there was an award for covering most of the working situations possible in one's career, I'd have an Early Achievers award. So now that I'll be certifiably more educated than most of America, I would like a job to match. I am sick of being someone else's minion - I'd like my own minions, please! But if I have trouble finding the "during school" jobs, how the heck am I going to find a real one? Not to mention that I'm considering 2-3 major metro areas in my search, based on the simple fact that I can never decide where the heck I want to move next. I just find one thing to focus on, and away I go...

But I realized today, after finding a resume and cover letter service to throw money at in a few months, that I need to wait before I can start. Maybe go to China first. Then I can start the job fun. Then I can figure out which Bar I'm going to take. Then I can find a friend willing to let me crash on their couch for a bit until I can find my own place. And figure out which city is next on my list.

And it doesn't have to be tomorrow - life will go on! The sun will rise, my sewing projects will pile up, I will eventually get a real night's sleep, and my nephew will keep growing like a weed.

I just hate doing things half assed, so I prepare. I do research. I weigh my options. An excellent example is the fighting thing - I'd like to be better. But right now is not the time to devote time and energy to fighting. I just don't have either. And boy, can you tell by watching me fight. Spear isn't as painful, but sword and board is ugly. I have no idea what I'm doing. I've learned a few things, but when you're the type to throw yourself into something, body, heart and soul, half-assed is just frustrating. I hate not doing it well, and more than once I've considered walking away. But it still gives me one of the best stress relief systems in the world, and there's nothing like being on the field in the middle of a great big war battle. But now is not the time.

And now I've got plenty on my plate. I'll toss that stuff on the back burner. Get back to covering my China stuff and homework. And breathe. And again breathe.