Happiness calling....pay attention.

Hi, Universe? Why is it that random people decide that I have the answer to everything, and latch onto me asking stupid questions? Now, I know my Voice of Authority is rather convincing and all, but I just human like everyone else. Sure, I cut most of the bullshit out of my life, but that was a long, expensive process with a therapist. I hand out her number regularly. Last I checked, she’s booked solid for a reason. But I digress.

Sure, I’ll talk to people, but I’m not fond of being called a bitch or other negative crap. I did the work. I stuffed all the stupid patterns and pain inflicting nastiness out of my operating program. Now, can I please just enjoy the results of that for a while? I’m really not into project people, and having been there myself, I know that you really just have to do the work. Period. No one else can really help you there. I can throw a few books at you, but you won’t get most of it until the 47th reading. You just won’t. If you’re open to the possibility, you might get a few points, hopefully realize them, and immediately try changing things to try them out. That’s all it is. Personal experimentation. There’s no big answer to the universe. There’s no answer to “How can I be happy?” You just are. Or you’re not because you’re too busy running around trying to be happy. Pay attention.

I can be happy in a paper bag. I was happy crashing with friends while I was homeless. I was hugely happy bankrupt but free from debt. Yes, all these things have had profound consequences. But I’m not sure I needed to go through all of it to get it. The process would have taken longer, but I got it. And really I just woke up one morning after fighting it all for months and decided to be happy. Eventually I would just be happy. I got help figuring out the patterns that were getting in the way, and voila! Happy.

So now I have a career brewing, I finally like Sandy Eggo. I adore where I live, and my friends are cool. I’m relatively healthy and I get along with my parents. I’m dating a fabulous, amazing, creative, fun guy and it’s a healthy thing. I’ve started playing with hobbies I used to love and didn’t have time for. And I’m enjoying a summer off before I go back for the rest of my degree. And I’m happy. Because I say I am.