Average White Girl

Hmm, this is what happens when I’m bored stuuuupid despite an interesting legal research issue, invoices and other paper to process, and plenty of things I should be doing..like studying for exams! I think. I’m female, so for you men out there, add an exponential mark thingie on the end of that “think”. Women think way too much at times. My brain is just racing around looking for something to do, like a 3 year old on sugar. And I have a whoooooole summer to look forward to of the same thing. This, my friends, is why I have 40 bazillion things going on at any given time. Otherwise, well, I get into trouble.

So I’m sitting here sorting invoices and just having a ball, when I consider my current workout/diet/weights thingie I’ve been pursuing. Now, I know I’m slightly overweight according to the medical texts. This is not fishing for complements; this is a medically measured fact. My BMI is too high for a chick my height. Simple fact, and actually very little emotion attached to that. This is who I am, I’m good with it. I’m proportionate. My goal is to build strength and not look like an ass holding a spear. Likely, I’ll trim down while doing so. Not a bad side effect. But I’m done starving myself into a size 2. I was a complete bitch and freezing all the time at that size, why would I want to be that person again? And yes, some of the bitchiness had to do with malnutrition. Ask me what I subsisted on in college, it sounds like I lived in a third world country.

But I realized today that I don’t get as much of the weird “stranger crap” that my thinner girlfriends seem to get. Here’s a great post that illustrates that situation from Fish Needs a Bicycle's blog: http://thisfish.ivillage.com/love/archives/
2006/04/not_waiting_for_guillermo.html (yes, you need to cut and paste the whole thing)

Now, this is a good thing. I’d rather not have to deal with random strangers bugging me, and I have no romantic notions of some random stranger being the man of my dreams, as not yet acquainted with. But, the question is, what DOES this say about my appearance? Now, while I’m not obsessed with being a thin size, I have spent a lot of time and money on my appearance in general. I used to have a distinct problem with dressing to blend in. I'd disappear into the background in every social situation. I’ve been trying to break that habit for years, and it’s a persistent bugger to break. I can melt into the background like a chameleon on a tree branch. If I don’t want you to notice me, you probably won’t. But it sucks when I want to be noticed. I’m better at being out of the limelight than in it.

But apparently, I’m completely average. Utterly middle America average. Not the hot chick who looks like an anime character, not the bigger girl in the low riders with the mushroom above the waistband, not the butch, muscley chick who looks like she can crush your head with a bicep. Just average. Unremarkably so, to the unacquainted. Now, if you know me, I’d like to think that’s not the case. I’m definitely an acquired taste. My friendships with people tend to develop like Polaroids lately. It takes a bit of time, but wow, the colorful relationships that ensue. It’s a good thing, or at least in my opinion it is. I’m not into cheap and easy. Nor easily definable, shallow, superficial relationships based on us liking the same color. Try harder Sparky..

So what is it? Am I terrifyingly unapproachable? Am I too direct? Is there anything really wrong with not being approached by strangers and not making the most friendly impression when I first meet someone? Am I just all business? I hate being solicited for money or surveys, so generally I'm not saddened. But it does make me wonder how I come off to others...

Eh, thinking too much. See? Trouble I tell you...